


Simple Red Balloon

by Angel_made_of_scars



Category: Supernatural
Genre: M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-02-23
Updated: 2014-02-23
Packaged: 2018-01-13 13:06:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 20
Words: 22,318
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1227493
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Angel_made_of_scars/pseuds/Angel_made_of_scars
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Every year Dean ties a note to a balloon and sends it up into the sky... To his family. Cas finds him. Previously on fanfiction.net under the same title.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

'Hey Mom... Dad... Bobby... Ellen... Jo... I miss you... All of you... Bobby, Jo, Ash, and Ellen, you guys were my other family... I miss you... And Dad... I'm still looking out for Sammy... Don't you worry, I'm not gonna let him go too... And Mom... I miss you... Alot... I love you Mom... Sometimes I wanna just quit and move up there with you... But I never will... I'll die a thousand times over to keep Sammy safe... And I am... I promise as soon as my time comes, I'll come see you... And God, or whoever runs it up there now, you better let my Mom and Dad be at that gate waiting for me. I love you all... Until next year...' Dean wrote on the paper. He folded it up, tears starting to form in his eyes, but he wouldn't let them fall. Sam had driven him up to the mountain, as he had the last few years, and let Dean hike up the trail to the top, red balloon tied to his wrist, and tape and paper and pens all in a bag on his back. This was the first time Cas had been riding along, now human, and had insisted he follow Dean. He wouldn't let Dean leave, not when he was upset. He felt upset for him. Then again, when Dean was upset, Cas always felt upset with him.

"What if there's trouble? Or demons? Or-" Cas continued, being cut off by Deans death glare. He jumped out of the car, and only then did Sam speak.

"It's a bad day Cas... He needs to go alone... I had doubts the first time he did this, but he stayed on the phone with me and came back after a half an hour just fine. I did at first think he may do something stupid because of the day being... But he'll be fine..." Sam trailed off.

"What day is it?" Cas asked quietly, trying not to make him angry but also trying to figure out why they were upset.

"It's the anniversary... Of... Just go with Dean ok? But trail back behind him so he won't know you're there. He's to distracted to use his hunter techniques... Just tell him you ran away, and didn't listen to me. He will kill me if he realizes I let you go like that." Sam advised. Cas nodded gently, eyebrows scrunched together in confusion, but also in worry. He did what Sam said, trailing after Dean, and when Dean stopped he watched as he taped the note he had written earlier onto the helium balloon forcefully. He was about to take off the string around his wrist, but then a tear rolled off his face and he couldn't control it anymore. He broke down into tears, sitting on his knees at the edge of the rock, and watching the sunset. At this point, Cas couldn't stand it, and he quietly walked out from the trees, letting his red hoodie flap a little against a tree so Dean would hear him. Dean whipped around, ready to fight, but seeing Cas he turned away quickly.

"Cas... Why did you follow me?" Dean said softly, rubbing at his eyes. Cas thought carefully, before finally giving his answer.

"I was worried... And Sam told me not to come... But I wanted to see if you were going to be ok..." Cas admitted. Carefully he walked up to him, kneeling down and putting a hand on his shoulder in the same place his hand print was. Quietly he moved closer, putting his arms around Dean and tensing when Dean didn't move.

"You can cry now Dean... I don't know why you were... But you can... I won't tell Sam..." He promised.

"You mean it?" He whispered, his voice cracking.

"Of course Dean..." He assured him. He felt strong arms wrap around him suddenly, putting his head on Cas' shoulder, and pulling a few tissues out. He quickly put them on Cas' shoulder so he wouldn't get the jacket wet and he let the tears go finally, crying for a whole ten minutes before finally calming down. Cas rubbed his back, and when he had gone quiet, Cas pulled back completely.

"What will you do with the balloon?" Cas asked quietly, but he didn't take his hand away from the handprint.

"I let it go... And it takes the note up to Heaven... It's more symbolic, I know it doesn't really go to Heaven, but humans, normal Humans, think that Heaven is in the sky..." Dean explained, stuffing the tissues into his pocket and straightening Cas' hoodie. Cas blushed at the awkward contact, but didn't comment. Dean quietly untied the balloon string from his wrist, then brought it down to his face. He whispered something that Cas' barely heard, but he was sure of what it was.

"I love you Mom." Dean whispered, another tear falling as he kissed the balloon. Before he could let it go, Cas grabbed Deans hand and held the string with him, bringing it to his own face. Gently he whispered his own message, soft and short, but Dean heard it.

"I'm still an angel, and I'm watching over them now." Cas whispered, kissing the balloon just as Dean had. Dean looked up in surprise, his face blank and sad. He let a small smile onto his face, and when he felt Cas' fingers loosen, he let the string float away from their hands. Cas watched as Deans eyes trailed after the balloon, and when they finally lost sight of it in the thinning clouds, he turned and pulled away from Cas, putting his bag on his back and trying to hide the pink tint on his cheeks.

"Dean? Are you alright?" He asked, walking behind him.

"You meant it right? That you wouldn't tell Sam about me getting upset?" He asked suddenly.

"Of course I did, I would not say anything unless you told me it was ok with you." He assured him. Dean nodded in what seemed more like autopilot than acknowledgement. They walked in silence the rest of the way, and when Sam saw them coming, he honked the horn, startling Cas out of his thoughts and making him fall over backwards. Dean didn't flinch, but turned around and helped Cas up of the ground in silence.


	2. Chapter 2

His heart was racing from the scare of the car horn as he got in the backseat, but by the time they were back at the bunker, Cas and Dean had gone to sleep. Sam chuckled and shook Deans shoulder, making him snort and sit up quickly. Sam just smirked and motioned to the back seat, then walked into the bunker, leaving Dean and Cas outside in the dark car alone.

"Cas? Wake up buddy, we're home." He said quietly. Cas moaned and rolled over, falling across all three seats and humming as he curled up.

"Cas, wake up man, You can't stay out here." Dean chuckled, but all he got was an unpleasant grunt.

"Fine... But not one word if you can even remember this." Dean grumbled, getting out and sliding into the back with Cas, unbuckling his lap seatbelt. He pulled away when he heard something strange. He wasn't positive, and when curiosity got the better of him, he gently put his hand on Cas' stomach where the seatbelt had been and moved his hand along his side. That time he was sure he had heard it, because Cas smiled in his sleep. He had smiled. He had only seen that maybe twice, and once it was Jimmy. Gently he tried again, this time more forcefully, and Cas giggled quietly. Dean sat with his jaw hanging open in shock, then choked back full laughter. Castiel, former angel of the Lord, soldier of God himself, was ticklish.

"Cas, get up or I'm gonna keep doing that..." Dean warned, smirking to himself.

"D' wha?" Cas mumbled, still keeping his eyes shut. Dean grinned and without warning he started tickling Cas, making him yell and squeal with laughter. Now that he was fully awake, he pulled back in terror.

"What was that?!" He asked in shock, worried about what had happened. Had he jerked around? Had he had a fit? Did he have a nightmare?

"It was tickling Cas, it's pleasant." Dean smirked.

"So there's nothing wrong with me?" Cas asked quietly.

"No!" Dean laughed, getting out of the car and holding the door.

"After you." Dean said smiling, letting Cas get out and watching him shrug in embarrassment.

"Can you... Can you do it again?" He asked shyly, and Dean smirked.

"I will inside." He said proudly, but Cas froze up.

"Don't! It's..." Cas trailed off, trying to find the right word.

"Embarrassing?" Dean guessed. Cas nodded gently, keeping his head down. He started to say something, but hearing Cas yawning stopped him. Instead of admitting he was ticklish too, he just gripped Cas' shoulders and led him inside. Kevin, Sam, and Crowley looked up, Sam smirking, Kevin looking scared about something, and Crowley looking terrified.

"Why is he out?" Dean questioned, anger surfacing again.

"Dean, it's ok, he's human, it's not like he can get away alive. He's been sleeping in a locked bedroom for a week and he's out at day time, why not at night? As soon as me and Kevin go to bed, I'll lock him in." Sam assured him.

"Fine... No bright ideas..." Dean grumbled, rubbing the bridge of his nose and walking to the stairs with Cas. Before he could go up, Sam grabbed his shoulder and pulled him into a hug. Crowley and Kevin both blinked in surprise when Dean hugged back without protest.

"I miss her too..." Sam whispered, and Dean squeezed tighter, then pulled away suddenly.

"You only met her past self and ghost, how do you miss her?" He asked quietly.

"I just miss my Mom... And you remember her... I know how bad I'm feeling, and you can remember her... So I know how bad you must feel..." He muttered. Dean nodded and walked away quietly, sending a tired smile to Sam and Kevin, and even sending a neutral wave to Crowley.

"C'mon Cas, you need to get to bed too..." Dean muttered, dragging him along up the stairs to the bedrooms. Dean had set up the toiletries in his bathroom after seeing Cas eating toothpaste once. After brushing their teeth, Dean laid down in his bed, squeezing his eyes shut as he rolled onto his stomach and tried not to think about his family.

"Dean, you're crying..." Cas said quietly, turning out all the lights except the lamp beside Dean.

"I'm not crying Cas-" he tried, but then felt the tickle of water on his cheek again.

"What happened to your Mother... It's the anniversary today isn't it... November 2nd..." He said quietly, sitting down carefully. Dean ignored the question and got up, handing Cas a pair of flannel black pants and letting his dark green t-shirt stay on. He stripped off his shirt and put on a white shirt, and Cas turned away blushing when he stripped off his pants and put on black gym shorts.

"Dean... I'm sorry about your mom..." Cas said quietly, not sure if he might make Dean mad. He was surprised when he sat down beside him and seemed to fight himself, nodding before shutting his eyes and jumping forward, hugging Cas as tight as he could. Cas gently hugged back, helping him under the covers so they were propped up on the pillows with Deans face in Cas' neck and Cas' arms around Deans waist and shoulders.

"She died Cas... She burned on the ceiling... I was only four... But I remember it... The flames... The heat... My Dad telling me to carry Sam out and seeing my Mom from the yard. She was still alive Cas... She looked at me and saw me before finally dying... And I didn't get to tell her I loved her... I told Sammy and my Dad goodnight... But my Mom went to bed... I just wish I had said something... The balloon had a note to her and everyone else on it... I do it every year on the anniversary... I just miss her so much Cas..." He admitted, tears falling down his face freely now.

"You know... I heard Sam say once that she used to tell you 'Angels are watching over you.' and I really thought it was incredible... Because you never believed in the angels... Until the day when an angel believed in you... It's like you just knew that he believed in you, and suddenly you just had this unbreaking faith in the angel..." Cas admitted.

"What angel believed in me? And what angel did I believe in?" He asked quietly.

"You believed in me, Dean..." Cas said quietly, rubbing blunt nails against his back soothingly.

"I guess I did..." He admitted shyly, seeming to only just realize what was happening. He quickly turned over, turning off the light beside him and laying on his side, facing away from Cas, who was now confused.

"To answer your other question..." He said, unsure of how to word his answer. He silently slid under the covers beside him, wrapping an arm around his waist and the other under Deans pillow.

"The answer is that I was the angel that believed in you... And now I'm the human that believes in you..." He said quietly, and Dean slowly turned over, facing him again.

"Don't tell Sam I let you stay in here ok? He would make fun of me..." Dean said quietly.

"I-I understand..." He lied. He felt like Dean was ashamed of him.

"Sleep well Dean..." Cas whispered, pulling him a little closer. Dean shyly slid closer, snuggling into his chest and breathing in his scent.

"Cas?" Dean whispered.

"Yes Dean?" He answered, looking him in the eyes.

"I want you to answer me truthfully." Dean said anxiously.

"Of course, what is it?" Cas asked.

"How do I keep going Cas? How do I keep doing this? I should give up and just be done... But I just keep fighting to stay alive and... I don't even know why..." Dean admitted.

"Don't say that Dean... You're fighting to stay because... Well I think only you can answer that... But please don't talk like you're thinking of giving up... I can't let you..." Cas whispered, then sank back against the pillows. Dean nodded and shyly moved closer, putting his head under Cas' chin. When his breathing slowed, he allowed himself to relax against Dean. He knew it was only tonight. It's was the anniversary of his mother dying. He was upset, looking for comfort. Nothing more.

"Sleep well Dean..." Cas whispered, finally starting to drift off.

"G' nigh..." Dean mumbled, before finally falling asleep in Cas' arms.


	3. Chapter 3

"Mom!" Dean screamed, sitting up in a blind panic. Cas was immediately awake, looking for danger, but when Dean finally realized where he was, he sunk back against the pillows. Before Cas could ask anything, Sam came in, a glass of water and some goldfish in his hands. Cas had demanded they buy the small fish crackers, but had always wondered why they would suddenly go missing something.

"You ok?" Sam asked gently, handing him the water.

"M' fine..." Dean lied, drinking some of the water and grabbing some of the goldfish to eat.

"Whoa- jeez Cas!" Sam said, looking up and being startled by the dark figure by the bed.

"I-I came in when I heard yelling. Are you alright Dean?" Cas asked quietly, sitting down on the bed beside him, while Sam crouched by the bed.

"Wanna talk about it?" Sam asked quietly. He knew Dean may lash out at any second, so when he didn't answer, Sam just nodded and patted his shoulder. He started to stand up, but Dean grabbed his arm.

"I'm awake now... Right?" Dean whispered, his voice cracking slightly.

"Yeah... Yeah you're awake... I'm right here ok? If you need anything-" Sam stopped, seeing Deans blank look.

"Don't... Don't die ok?" Dean mumbled, looking away.

"I-I won't, I'm right here. I'm alive and you're awake." Sam confirmed.

"Thanks..." Dean muttered, nodding sadly and giving the silent signal that their conversation was over. Sam nodded and with a sad smile he started to leave. Before he left completely, Sam nodded towards Cas, and then towards Dean. Cas nodded and Sam left the room, going back to his room to go back to sleep.

"Dean? Do you need anything?" Cas asked gently, trying to put a hand on his shoulder, but he shrugged him off.

"I'm ok Cas... I just need some time... You can follow me if you want..." He said quietly, grabbing his iPod, earphones, the blanket off the bed, and a pillow. Cas looked at the clock in confusion, seeing it was only 3:57am still. Regardless, he grabbed the other pillow and the goldfish and followed Dean downstairs and outside. When Dean walked up to the front of the impala, he put the pillow on the top, then sat on the hood. After laying back, he put his feet up so he wouldn't slide off and spread the blanket across himself. Cas watched, but didn't approach until Dean chuckled and patted the spot beside him. Cas awkwardly climbed up and copied Dean, putting the pillow behind his head and putting the goldfish in his lap. It was strangely peaceful, but a little too quiet. That is, until Dean turned on his iPod. Cas was expecting a loud rock song, but instead he heard a soft tune, no distinguished words, just music. Cas smiled slightly, but didn't say anything as Dean watched the starry sky. When the cold started to get too much, Cas was about to go back inside, when Dean rolled his eyes and put an arm around him, pulling him in and draping the blanket over him too.

"Here, put this in your ear." Dean said carefully.

"This was her favorite tune... I'm not sure where it came from... She used to him it after I had nightmares." Dean admitted.

"If you don't know what it is, where did you get it?" He asked softly.

"I... I recorded it... Haunted piano in a music shop, and after the job, I snuck back in and recorded this." Dean admitted. Cas turned to look at him, and then shyly took the iPod. Dean thought he was going to skip the song, but instead he just restarted it and handed it back.

"I've got it on loop, it restarts when it ends." Dean informed him. Cas nodded and shut his eyes, listening to the soft sound of piano keys.

"This is beautiful..." Cas said quietly. Dean smiled a little, but then remembered where he got the tune and his lip trembled.

"Dean..." Cas said softly, sitting up and pulling him into his arms carefully. Despite what Dean always told himself about hugging and crying and emotion in general, he didn't pull back. Instead he sank into him and let himself cry. Gently Cas hummed along to the music, and Dean cried harder, but after a few minutes he stopped and felt like he could fall asleep any second.

"Do you wanna go inside?" Cas asked quietly.

"Carry me in..." Dean said, already half asleep. Cas smiled shyly, but did his best, and eventually had him to the stairway inside. He carried the pillows and blanket to the bed again, turned on the fan, plugged in the iPod to the speakers like he had seen do before, and turned the volume low as it started to play. He walked back downstairs, expecting a sleeping Dean, but instead Dean was numbly searching for him all over the downstairs.

"Cas? Where'd you go? Come back!" Dean pleaded shakily.

"Cas... Cas, I need you man, come back! Where'd you go?!" He asked a little louder, but not loud enough to wake up Sam.

"Oh God- we were outside and then- then I'm in here- oh God- they took him!" Dean talked too himself. Cas watched as Dean lowered himself to a sitting position on the floor, then laid down gently. He started crying before his head touched the floor, but by then he was sobbing silently, curling in on himself on the hard floor. Cas stood in shock. He never knew Dean could be this vulnerable.

"D-Dean? I'm right here, it's ok, I just went to put the things back in your room before I tried to help you back upstairs." Cas explained, rubbing his back gently and leaning down to crouch beside him.

"Cas? Is that you?" He asked, blinking and rubbing his eyes to adjust to the darkness.

"Yeah-" Cas was cut off by Dean sitting up and hugging him.

"I thought they found you- don't you ever leave again. I need you here- no more loss in this family ok?" Dean said, trying to make himself sound braver than he was acting.

"I would never leave you willingly Dean, I promise." Cas said in a serious tone.

"We should get to bed before Sam wakes up." Dean said shyly, standing up and walking up the stairs with Cas behind him. He fixed the bed, and as soon as it was fixed, Cas laid down. Dean huffed, trying to seem angry, but gave up after only a few seconds. Carefully he slid in beside him, and that's when he noticed the music playing. He smiled and Cas grinned proudly.

"Come here Cas." Dean chuckled, pulling him over towards him. Cas swallowed nervously, but after a minute he relaxed. He only fell asleep when he felt Deans breathing even out completely.


	4. Chapter 4

Cas woke up the next morning to an empty bed. He thought Dean was probably downstairs, so he turned off the radio and walked downstairs. There was no one there. He immediately thought of the worst and ran to Sams room, but he wasn't there either. He ran to Kevin, but even he wasn't there. He finally gave up and ran to the dungeon. No Crowley. He sank to the floor, crossing his legs and putting his hands over his head. He tried to breathe but he felt like it was getting harder. He started to breathe faster, sucking all the air he could, and when that made the feeling worse, he tried to get up, but his leg wouldn't obey him. He started panicking, thinking someone poisoned him. Maybe he was having a heart attack. His chest was hurting. His heartbeat sped up then, he got lightheaded, and he was starting to shake. He tried not to cry, to calm himself down, but there was no point. He started sobbing, rocking back and forth, his fingers and legs and face tingling and his arms and legs shaking so hard that it looked like he was having a seizure. Maybe he was, but he wasn't sure. So he did the only thing he could. He screamed. He screamed as loud as he could, not a girlish scream, but a full man scream, full of pure terror. He was pulling on his hair now, trying desperately to stop the shaking, but he couldn't. It hurt, his legs and the hand not tangled in his hair smacking against the stained floor of the dungeon every time it shook. He was practically vibrating now, and the tears just kept coming. He was dizzy and starting to get tunnel vision, until all he could do was scream. His vision was gone and he felt like he may puke, but he didn't, mainly because he couldn't feel his body now. He knew he was still shaking, but he couldn't feel it anymore because of the numbness. Maybe he had puked, there was drool or something hanging from his mouth. In one last attempt he screamed again, and while he was screaming he heard a noise. He stopped and realized it was Dean yelling at him.

"Cas?! What's wrong?! Tell me?! What's wrong?!" Dean yelled, which only made the crying harder.

"Damn it!" Dean yelled, picking him up and running upstairs to the main room. He gently laid Cas on the couch, and when he didn't stop drooling and shaking he called Sam.

"Dean? We just left, what do you-"

"Come back! Hurry! There's something wrong with Cas! Oh God- hurry!" Dean screamed at the phone, and he heard tired screeching through the phone as he hung up.

"Cas, can you hear me? Hey, I need you to stop hyperventilating ok?" Dean said, but he didn't stop. He snarled angrily and pushed his hands over Cas' mouth, which made him scream again. As soon as Dean lifted his hands, Cas sucking in a huge breath, and Dean slapped his hands back down. Cas tried to scream again, but his voice must have given out, because all he let out was a few small noises.

"I'm gonna pick my hands out, and you breathe out ok? Only out!" He ordered. Gently he lifted one hand off Cas' nose, and he breathed out as hard as he could. Dean repeated his process, mouth and nose, as Sam burst in the door with Kevin and Crowley following.

"Kevin, take Crowley to his room and then get the med kit. Now!" Sam yelled urgently. Kevin nodded and ran, Crowley obediently following. Sam knelt Down beside the couch, as held down Cas' shaking legs. Dean stayed up on the couch, doing the breathing with Cas. His upper half was on the couch, with Dean beside him, but his legs were down by Sam.

"Dean, what happened?" Sam asked quickly.

"I came back in and he was on the floor in the dungeon screaming and shaking and flailing around and his fist is stuck in his hair and he was drooling and he can't talk or move his limbs-" Dean rambled. That's when Kevin ran in with an inhaler, ice cream, water, and medication.

"Sam, move back. Move back!" Kevin ordered, and when he did, he put everything on the coffee table.

"I said the med. kit, not ice cream!" Dean yelled.

"I know what's wrong with him!" Kevin yelled back, surprising him.

"Ok- Cas? When Dean lets go of you, I need you to breathe in through this tube ok? Only for a minute, breathe in through your mouth, breathe out through your nose, got it?" He asked. Cas made a strangled noise, and did as told when Kevin gave him the inhaler. After a minute, Keving motioned for Dean to help, and they set him upright.

"Ok, try to swallow." Kevin told him gently. More tears fell but his breathing was getting better, so Dean didn't question Kevin on his method. Cas tried his best, but it took him a couple of tries to accomplish swallowing. At that point Kevin pulled out a medicine dropper, dipped it in the water, and opened his mouth.

"I'm gonna put some water in your mouth, can you spread it around and try to swallow? Sam can you go get a paper towel, and Dean, can you hold his hands, keep him calm?" Kevin asked them all. Sam ran off and came back with the paper towel, while Dean held his shaking hands with one of his and rubbed his back with the other.

"Ok, here's some water." Kevin advised him, squirting some in his mouth and putting a towel against the edges of his mouth incase he choked on the water. After a minute he tried to swallow again, and this time it worked.

"Good, now can you take a bite of this? It's just plain ice cream, it's soft so you won't choke, but it's a little cold." Kevin warned him, gently he put the spoon to Cas' mouth, and after a minute Cas lifted a hand. Cautiously his shaking hand gestured to his eyes.

"I know- I'm sorry- but we're all here, and you're gonna be ok now." Kevin assured him. Cas gently lowered his hand, resting it against Deans, and Dean squeezed it so he would know he was there.

"Wait- you know what- what's he mean?" Sam asked. Dean was too busy rubbing Cas' back to hear Kevin at the time.

"He says he can't see anything." Kevin explained. Deans head snapped up hearing that, and he fixed his stare on Kevin.

"Is gonna get better?" Dean asked quietly. Kevin nodded and kept giving him spoonfuls of ice cream until he was swallowing easily.

"Ok, I need you to swallow this pill ok, I'm handing you the- actually- you're still shakily. So... Dean, help him drink this." Kevin instructed. Dean took the pill and put it in Cas' mouth, then raised the cup to his lips and tilted it up. Cas swallowed, then looked almost panicked when Dean kept tilting it.

"Oh- you good?" Dean asked, handing the cup back to Kevin and letting him keep feeding Cas until the ice cream was gone.

"Cas? We're all here, so you'll be fine now alright?" Sam said gently, about to put his hand on Cas' shoulder.

"Sam- wait. If he can't see yet you'll startle him if you touch him without warning." Kevin explained.

"Oh- well... Cas, I'm on your right side, sitting on the arm of the couch, Kevin is sitting in front of you, and Dean is sitting on your left." Sam explained. Cas nodded gently, and after a minute he started shivering. He was still practically vibrating, but more a dull and constant twice than the violent shaking.

"You cold? You want me to go get a blanket for you, or your hoodie?" Dean asked quickly. He was still only wearing the gym pants and the green shirt. Right when he finished talking, Cas' head whipped around towards him, his grip on Deans hand got tight, and he shook his head, making himself dizzy and swaying.

"Cas, can you see now?" Kevin asked. Cas nodded, but raised a hand in front of his face and squinted.

"I know it's blurry, but you'll get better soon." Kevin assured him.

"I can go get the blanket if you want." Sam offered. Cas sniffled and shook his head, sending a fake but appreciative smile towards Sam as he walked away. When Sam came back, he had Deans bedspread, and Dean had to pull away to wrap Cas in it. He panicked at first, but as soon as the blanket was around his shoulders, Dean moved back, and when Cas got a hold on his hand he relaxed quickly.

"Kevin... What happened to Cas?" Dean asked quietly, letting him lean into his shoulder as he started to drift off.

"He was having an extreme anxiety attack. He panicked at something, walked to the dungeon for some reason, and started hyperventilating from panicking. The breathing like that made him dizzy, lightheaded, and numb. He started to go into shock and started shaking when he couldn't get his own legs to hold him up, and because he was breathing too hard, his fingers locked up, like when you fall asleep with your hand in a fist and you wake up and can't move it. That's why when he started pulling his hand and his hand got stuck, he couldn't pull out until we helped him. The numbness and ice cream made him cold, the breathing made his mouth dry, and I gave him the inhaler because he was down in that dusty basement hyperventilating. He breathed in who knows how much dust for sure. His heart rate was speeding up, which probably didn't help, but I'm glad he screamed. If you hadn't heard him screaming like that, he would have passed out. I mean, he may have hurt his voice but at least he didn't go unconscious." Kevin explained.

"Cas, why were you so scared?" Sam asked gently. Cas sat up and looked around and then back down in shame. He shrugged but didn't speak.

"It's ok, you can tell us." Dean said comfortingly. Cas looked up, straight into his eyes, and after a minute he gave in, then pointed to all of them.

"Gone..." He rasped out, his voice scratchy and strained.

"Ah- Cas- We were going out to get Crowley and you clothes. We knew you were a size smaller than Dean, but we had to bring Crowley. Kevin wanted to get outta here for an afternoon, and Dean was gonna stay with you. He came outside he give me my phone." Sam explained. Cas nodded and Deans eyes widened in shock.

"Cas- I am so sorry- I didn't even know you were awake yet- I never should have left you in here alone." He said quickly. Cas smiled sadly, patting his hand and nodding so he would know it was ok.

"How about I take Crowley to go shopping, and you can stay here with them?" Sam offered.

"Aw! I wanted to go!" Kevin fake-grumbled, pouting at Sam.

"Go..." Cas said quietly, then realized his mistake and tightened his grip on Deans hand.

"Stay." He said quickly, a look of panic starting to climb onto his face.

"Whoa, I'm not going anywhere ok? But my hand is gonna die if you don't loosen up." Dean chuckled. Cas let out a shaky breath and let his hand ease up.

"Are you sure you'll be ok?" Kevin asked seriously. Cas nodded and give the fake but assuring smile, and once Crowley had been let out of his room, he cautiously walked over and stuck out his hand. Cas looked at him for a minute, tilted his head, then warily reached his hand up. Crowley shook his hand but Cas still looked confused by the gesture.

"I... Hope you feel... Better..." He said lamely, dipping his head and walking away. Sam gave him an impressed look before they all left. Kevin popped his head back in though.

"The medication may make him, in bad side effects, dizzy, nauseous, or extremely tired suddenly. Although that's rare. In good side effects, sleepy and ditzy, a little loopy, and woozy, like that feeling you get after jumping in the air and feeling like your not touching anything, except it's constant. So... Yeah... And make him drink lots of water and eat a banana or crackers or something, just to make sure he doesn't get so dizzy he passes out." Kevin warned, before finally leaving.


	5. Chapter 5

When the car started and the sound of the engine started to fade, Cas gripped tightly to Deans hand, not breaking eye contact with the door.

"I'm right here, what's wrong?" Dean asked gently, rubbing his back again. Cas breathed in deeply, before turning towards Dean and breathing out again, then shaking his head 'no'.

"Here..." He rasped, then before Dean could say anything, Cas had grabbed him in a hug. He pulled back after a minute, and looked at Dean awkwardly before trying to talk.

"Voice." He said quietly.

"Well, when Sammy got colds I would always run him a hot bath to loosen his airways, and then make him drink something like a milkshake to keep him cooled off in the hot water. You wanna try that?" Dean asked him.

"Alone." He furiously shook his head.

"Ok... Well I'm not going in the bathtub with you but I can make you a milkshake. We can watch movies or something until they come back. Then again is rather let you have a bath when they're not here if I'm suppose to come." Dean said sarcastically, trying to distract him.

"In... Bath?" Cas said after a minute. When dean nodded, he blushed and shook his head to indicate that, no, that's definitely not what he meant.

"In... Room." He said roughly.

"Oh... I'd still rather do that while they're not here." Dean chuckled.

"I'll go make the milkshake. You wanna come with me or stay?" He asked as he got up. When Cas grabbed his hand and tried to stand up, he ended up falling, his legs still too wobbly to walk on.

"Sorry..." Cas mumbled. Dean sighed in sympathy and picked him up bridal style, at which point Cas scrambled to hold onto Deans neck. After Dean put him on the counter, he got the ice cream out, and left it open to soften so he could make the milkshake.

"Come on, gotta get you walking or I won't be able to get you upstairs." Dean said sarcastically. Cas nodded and slid off the counter, but abruptly fell when his knee buckled under him. Dean grabbed him before he hit the floor, and he could visibly see his legs trembling. He tried to put him upright, but this time the other knee gave out and he visibly winced in pain.

"Alright, new plan." Dean said, hoisting Cas up and into his chest like he was hugging him. After a minute Cas hugged him back.

"Hold on tight, and step on my feet." Dean said. Cas did as he was told and Dean started walking. Slowly he let one of Cas' feet off of his, telling him to walk on the floor with that one. After a minute he felt that he was ok, and Dean let him take his other foot off. He put it to the floor but he winced again and lifted it back up. He hadn't been putting much pleasure on Deans foot on that side at all. When he didn't move forward, he gave Dean a look of shame, but didn't try to talk.

"Hey... No... It's ok Cas... You were shaking pretty bad, you must have hit you foot. Lemme see it." Dean said gently. He lifted Cas up and onto the counter, and that's when he realized from the outside of his foot it looked fine. Unless he had been looking down at Cas' feet, which he certainly didn't because then he would have to look at their chests and groins and legs touching, then he couldn't have noticed. He still felt horrible he hadn't noticed it though. On the inner side of Cas' foot, it was swelled on the bone, and around it was purple and brown.

"Damn, you banged this up pretty bad Cas, after your bath I'm gonna have to wrap it up ok?" He told him. Cas nodded and watched Dean put the ice cream in a cup, and when Cas nodded, also putting in chocolate sauce. Except he nodded again and Dean just chuckled and added. After stirring it and putting in a straw, he handed it to Cas who grabbed the milkshake in one hand, and grabbed Deans shoulder to support himself with the other hand. They went up the stairs slowly, and when they were finally up, he sat on the counter drinking his milkshake, and watched Dean as he turned on the water. Once the tub was half full, Cas slurped down the rest of the milkshake and walked over.

"Ok, so I don't wanna see anything I don't want too, so I'm gonna put in some-" Dean was cut off by Cas.

"Bubbles!" He said excitedly, yanking the bottle from Dean and pouring almost a quarter of it in. Dean facepalmed and chuckled when Cas' face lit up at the bubbles starting to show up. Yep... The milkshake idea worked... And so did the ditzy-pill. Dean turned and Cas took off his clothes, then dropped them to the floor and sat down in it.

"Dean- I'm covered by the bubbles." Cas said in a serious tone, cut off by a giggling noise. Dean turned quickly because no way had Cas just giggled, but he broke into laughter as he saw that Cas was literally covered by bubbles. They were getting so high that Cas had been able to pull them around his whole body, head and face included. All Dean could see was blue eyes shining through the bubbles. After a minute Cas joined in, laughing with him and waiting for Dean to look towards him. After a minute, they stopped laughing and Cas pulled it off his upper half and face but leaving it on his hair. Gently he smoothed it down until it was at his shoulder line.

"Look! I'm Sam!" He cheered, making Dean laugh even harder. Cas wasn't sure why he felt so happy, but he just went with it so he could make Dean laugh. If Dean was actually laughing for the first time in years he would do anything to keep it that way. He immediately started laughing when he was able to throw bubbles in Deans hair when he was doubled over laughing at Cas' impersonation.

"Why are you laughing?" Dean finally asked. Cas giggled uncontrollable but he spoke.

"Bubbles-" he said in a high pitch voice, snorting and breaking into laughter pointing at his hair. He stood up and looked in the mirror and sure enough there was a huge mound of bubbles in his hair.

"Ohhhh, you little rat!" Dean laughed. Cas giggled and tried to calm down, only to pick some up in his hands and blow it at him, then proceed crack up when it hit his face. Dean laughed but then took the bubbles from Cas' hair and smeared it on his face.

"Oh no you don't Dean Winchester, not in my kingdom!" He roared, holding the soap bottle out like a sword, but when he tried to spray the soap at Dean, he accidentally squirted it on his face before Dean could tell him it was the wrong way around. At first he looked like he may cry, then he grinned and poured more on his head. Dean was about to ask what he was doing, when he bent towards the water, put his head upper the faucet, and turned it on. Instantly bubbled started to spray over him, and he laughed so hard that Dean was worried he may hurt himself. Eh, his hair had needed washing anyway, so he didnt try to stop him. After a minute he pulled up and it was priceless. His hair looked like a really badly kept bubble afro with a tribal feather headdress wrapping behind his ears where it was sticking out, and when he had pulled up, the bubbles in the tub stuck to his chest like a bikini. Dean laughed so hard he was barely able to take a picture. He got it at the perfect moment when Cas was trying desperately to blow a bubble off his nose, and was going cross eyed trying to see it. Dean laughed for another five minutes before he was able to say anything.

"Push the- push- push the drain- open it-" he panted, rubbing tears from his eyes. Cas did and when it was almost empty, Dean plugged it again and motioned for bubbs n' beard (thats what Cas said his new 'rapper name' was) to bend under the faucet. He bent over and Dean turned on the water, helping him get all the soap out of his hair. He had never smelled more apple scent in his life. He rinsed out Cas' ice cream cup and filled it up with water until all the bubbles were gone except in his lap. For that he shut his eyes, poured the water, and handed him the towel.

"I'll be outside this door ok?" Dean asked him.

"Alright, may I have my hoodie?" Cas asked. Dean went to his closet and pulled out the red hoodie, then cracked the door and shoved it in.

"I'll admit, the bath helped my ankle. Should we still wrap it?" Cas asked.

"Yeah, just to be safe." Dean said after a minute. When he came out of the bathroom dressed, Dean picket up the towel and ruffled his hair with it. After a minute it was dry, and thankfully it had taken away most of the strong apple scent. After wrapping his foot in an ace bandage, they walked down the stairs and flopped down on the couch.

"Wanna see why I was laughing?" Dean asked. Cas nodded and Dean showed him the picture, which lead to another half hour of laughing so hard they were in tears. When Sam walked through the door and saw their tear stained cheeks but couldn't see their faces, he ran over to them and tried to comfort them, only to have them both pull away from each other laughing so hard they weren't breathing. Finally Dean sucked in air, coughing a few times and then Cas did too. They seemed to calm down but when Kevin and Crowley walked in, but then Dean and Cas happened to get a glimpse of each other and they both lost it again, Cas literally falling off the couch and onto the floor laughing, and effectively pulling Dean on top of him when he tried to grab the couch and missed, grabbing Deans shirt instead.

"Why are they laughing?" Kevin asked, both of them joining Sam beside the two men on the floor.

"I have no idea!" Sam laughed. Kevin gently knelt down and picked up Deans phone, turning on the screen and showing Crowley over his shoulder, at which point they both doubled over in laughter.

"Oh my God!" Kevin yelled, falling over beside them on the floor.

"How much bloody medication did you give him?!" Crowley broke down, falling beside Kevin.

"What's so funny?!" Sam laughed, wondering how whatever it was got the former king of hell to actually laugh like that. Finally he gave up and picked up the phone then he too joined the pile of men on the floor.

"What the hell happened to you Cas?!" Sam laughed. Finally Cas got enough breath and everyone got quiet enough to hear.

"Bubbles-" he choked out, before snorting and breaking down again. Everyone laughed for around half an hour, which is when Kevin got up and left so he wouldn't pass out, followed by Crowley, who said he needed something to eat. Sam left because he got hiccups from laughing so hard. Dean was next to fall victim to the hiccups. Damn genes. When everyone came back into the room, and after Sam had put a couple of frozen pizzas in the oven, they all joined Cas and Dean in the living room. Kevin burst out laughing, followed by Crowley.

"Seriously? Are you sure you have him the right amount of medication? Is this suppose to happen?" He laughed, making Sam come in.

"What the *hiccup* hell are you doing?" Sam laughed, watching them.

"Everytime *hiccup* I do *hiccup* that- *laughing/strangled hiccup* he just *hiccup* thinks it's hilarious!" Dean finally explained. He shushed them by waving his hand in the air to say to get quiet, and when he hiccuped, Cas started giggling and trying not to laugh. Next he got up closer to Cas' face and when it happened again, he lost it and laughed again, tears falling from his face from laughing so hard. They laughed for another five minutes before Dean had to walk away so he could try to stop the hiccups. He came back fifteen minutes later to Sam, Crowley, and Kevin, crowded around Cas.

"What are you doing?" Dean snapped, making them spin around.

"Nothing!" They all said in unison. Dean stormed past to see they had drawn on his face, and there was shaving cream in his hand.

"Really?! He's had a bad enough day! He finally falls asleep and you do this? Ok, spill, who's idea was it?!" Dean snapped.

"I had the idea, but Sam carried it out!" Crowley admitted.

"I-I tried to stop them, but I gave up after the mustache." Kevin said quietly. Dean stormed past and got in each ones face as he spoke to them.

"You have always been a sick bastard, so I don't blame you, it's your personality, but you Sam? That's just mean! And Kevin... Good try, but next time, come get me." Dean advised, shooting an angry look at Sam and Crowley, before picking up the sleeping figure and carrying him upstairs to his room.


	6. Chapter 6

"I'm sorry Cas, but you gotta get up." He said quietly.

"Why?" Cas grumbled.

"Because the guys were being dicks and drew on your face, so I gotta wash it off." Dean explained.

"Uh- fine!" Cas said angrily, sitting up and walking to the bathroom. Dean chuckled and wiped the shaving cream off his hand, then he got a damp, warm washcloth and started cleaning his face. It took a while, even though the marker wash washable, but eventually everything was off his face.

"Want some pizza?" Dean asked quietly, helping him off the counter.

"If they wrote on my face... I do not wish to go down there." Cas muttered, making Dean frown.

"It's ok, I won't let them do it again ok?" Dean promised. Cas nodded and slowly they came downstairs, but Cas kept his head bent towards the floor.

"Guys, anything you wanna say to Cas here?" Dean said sternly.

"Cas- I tried to stop um- I'm sorry." Kevin said sadly, getting up and hugging him. Cas nodded and gently hugged him back.

"Bubbles-" Crowley said quietly, while Sam tried not to laugh.

"Stop it!" Cas pleaded, then ran into the kitchen.

"No Cas- I was laughing thinking of the picture, not laughing at you-" Sam called. Crowley got up and followed him in shame, but Dean ran after him anyway.

"I'm sorry Castiel, I shouldn't have done that. I know you've had a bad day, and that was wrong." Crowley apologized. Sam walked in next, putting a hand on his shoulder.

"I'm sorry too, I wasn't laughing at you, I was laughing from thinking about the picture. But it was still rude of me." Sam apologized.

"Thank you... But I'm still very tired, and it's alright I would like to take some pizza and go upstairs." Cas informed them.

"Yeah, it's ok, go on up and I'll bring some up there in a minute." Dean said gently. Cas nodded and gave a gentle smile, then walked upstairs.

"Dean, I really am sorry, I shouldn't have done that." Sam said quickly, as soon as Kevin and Crowley had left.

"I know... It's fine..." Dean said quietly as he pulled off two pieces of pizza.

"And why were sharing and caring, I'm perfectly cool with the whole you the Cas thing." Sam said quietly. Dean had been in the process of drinking a root beer, (the only thing they had since they needed to go grocery shopping) but he immediately spit it all over the floor, choking and sputtering as he tried to catch his breath from it.

"Dean?! Are you alright?!" Cas yelled, running back in and grabbing onto his arm with one hand, while slapping his back with the other. His red hoodie sleeve was slapping against his back and it felt comforting, but he couldn't stop coughing. When he finally did, he pointed accusingly at Sam.

"You- me- your room- now." Dean ordered. He gave Cas a thankful look, then he walked up to Sams room with Sam following.

"What the hell are you insinuating?!" Dean snapped in a hushed tone.

"You were in the same bed as him, freaked out so much on the phone I thought you were crying, you gave him a bath-" Sam was cut off.

"Whoa there- I did NOT give him a bath! I did what I did for you when you were sick. I made him a milkshake and turned away when he got in, and I sat on the floor so I wouldn't see anything, and then the meds kicked in and he went loopy and poured half a bottle of soap in and got bubbles on him. Trust me, I did NOT wash him! And the bed thing is because I had a nightmare and he wouldn't leave, so I made him lay down instead of sitting on the chair all night. And as for the phone thing, hell yeah I was freaking out! He was flopping and drooling and screaming, what would you have done there?" Dean finished. Sam put his hands up in surrender, but he was slightly laughing.

"Alright, I get it, sorry... But I'm ok with it if you-" Sam teased.

"Sam..." Dean warned, making Sam laugh again.

"I'm gonna go get the pizza." Dean said angrily, storming back downstairs. He was about to call for Cas when a thought hit him. How did Kevin know what was wrong with Cas? In fact, why did he have pills for it?

"Cas, lets go buddy. Kevin, can we talk to you for a minute?" Dean asked quietly. Kevin nodded and followed them upstairs, Cas holding the pizza plate and Dean opening the door to his room.

"So... What's up?" Kevin asked as they all sat on the bed.

"What's wrong?" Dean asked quietly.

"I... Don't know?" Kevin answered.

"The pills Kev... And the way you knew about the problem..." He said quietly. Cas watched them, chewing the pizza and watching Kevin's reaction to the question.

"I don't wanna talk about that ok?" He said in a quiet voice. He stood up to leave, but Cas made a decision and he stood up, then hugged him as tight as he could without crushing him completely. Kevin stood still but after a minute he hugged back and Dean sat in silence. When Cas pulled back, he tried to think of something to say, but he couldn't.

"You're family Kev, just like I said before. If that's been happening to you then you shouldn't keep it a secret. If that ever happens you can come talk to me." Dean said comfortingly, letting Kevin sit back down. Cas put the plate on top of the dresser and calmly sat back down beside Dean, comforted by how their arms brushed together.

"I-It happened alot when I was younger... And for a few months every day after I got the tablet translation power... Around the time you stopped Dick is when they slowed down... Now it's only once a week..." He admitted. Dean put a hand on his shoulder and looked him in the eyes.

"You come talk to me next time that happens ok?" Dean asked him. Kevin nodded and smiled thankfully, before saying goodnight to Cas and Dean and leaving the room.

"So Cas, wanna find a room of your own tomorrow?" Dean asked gently.

"N-No..." He swallowed, his nerves kicking in at the thought.

"Ok- alright- calm down. You don't have to. You can stay in here." Dean said quickly, putting an arm around his shoulders.

"T-Thank you Dean..." He said quietly, laying down and trying to stop blushing.


	7. Chapter 7

"Cas... He's dead..." Sam sobbed over the phone.

* * *

Cas sat up panting, his breath shaky and the cell phone in his hand. He had been having nightmares ever since three days ago when Sam and Dean left for a salt-and-burn. Although this one, it felt real. He had fallen asleep while talking to Dean, but he thought he had passed out from shock. He started crying and ran to Kevin's room, yanking open the door and running to the bed. His green shirt was tear stained and the black pants, and shirt for that matter, needed to be washed.

"Cas? Cas calm down! It was just another dream, you're ok now!" Kevin said quietly, rocking him and rubbing his back. This usually worked, but this time he kept getting worse. He was panting and shaking and he couldn't stop crying. He was starting to sweat, although his lip was chattering.

"He's d-dead!" He said over and over, while Kevin searched for his phone. He finally found it and dialed Dean, who picked up in two rings, despite the fact that it was three in the morning.

"Hello?" Dean said, his voice ruff.

"Dude- he's freaking out! He says you're dead! Can you calm him down?" Kevin asked quickly.

"Lemme talk to him." Dean said immediately. Kevin handed Cas the phone, but he was crying to hard to say anything.

"Cas? Cas it's ok, I'm right here. It's gonna be fine now. It's gonna be ok." Dean promised, repeating this a few times. But he still didn't calm down.

"M' dreaming! S' not real! I passed ou' n' woke up with th' phone! Sam called an' said you 'er dead! I'm dreamin!" He sobbed.

"No Cas- you're ok- you're awake! I'm gonna come home ok? I'm gonna come right now! We're about three hours out, we were gonna come home in the morning, but were gonna come now ok? You just stay calm until I get there, can you do that for me?" He pleaded. Cas hummed a 'yes' and Kevin tried to take the phone, but Cas gripped it tighter and listened to Deans voice.

"Sam- Sam wake up! We gotta get home, Cas is having another panic attack, we gotta go now. If we get on the road we can get there quicker, there won't be much traffic right now. Get your bag and load up." Dean ordered. Sam sat up and realized what was happening, grabbing his bag and slipping on his shoes without any debate.

"Cas? We're on our way ok? We'll be there in around four hours, maybe less. Are you gonna be ok?" Dean asked soothingly.

"No! No! No!" He yelled over and over. Kevin tried to get him quiet but he couldn't.

"Cas! Stop it! I'll keep you on the phone ok? But you gotta stop yelling. We're on our way." Dean said in a determined voice. Cas heard the car engine and calmed down slightly, enough to stop yelling, but he was still crying and shaking.

"Breathe deeply ok? You want your hoodie?" Kevin asked. Cas nodded feebly, but he couldn't seem to speak.

"I'm gonna go get some juice ok? That should keep you from passing out. I'll be right back." Kevin said quickly, running to get the items. On his way he opened Crowley's door, and was surprised that he was already awake.

"Is he ok? I heard him yelling up there." Crowley said cautiously.

"I need you to go up there and talk to him. He's having another panic attack and he's on the phone with Dean, but I need help." Kevin admitted. He rushed downstairs to get the items, while Crowley walked to Kevin's room.

"Castiel? Are you alright?" He asked quietly. Cas jumped but managed to shake his head 'no'. The phone was on speaker and you could hear the engine revving faster.

"Is that Crowley?" Sam asked in surprise. Cas looked up at Crowley with a scared look, and when he approached the bed, Cas lifted a shaky hand to give him the phone.

"I-It's me, Kevin asked me to help." Crowley said, sending a confused look to Cas.

"Why do you care?!" Dean snapped, making Cas shrink back. Crowley sat on the bed beside him and gingerly put a hand on his shoulder.

"I care... Because I'm trying to change so I can have something I never had... A friend..." Crowley admitted. Dean huffed but didn't say anything else.

"Ok, here Cas, put this on, and drink some of this." Kevin said, helping him into his hoodie and handing him the cup of juice. After around half an hour he had stopped crying and could talk quietly, but his legs and hands were shaking.

"Cas, we're about two and a half hours away, alright?" Dean asked quietly. Cas hummed in a quiet acknowledgement, but he couldn't seem to keep his eyes open. He didn't want to sleep. He didn't want to have more nightmares. But despite his best efforts, he drifted off.

"Dean... Dean!" Cas screamed, watching him fall on the bed.

"Cas... Check on Sam..." He choked out, coughing as blood came from his mouth. Cas ran over, but Sam was already bleeding out on the floor.

"Sam?!" Cas yelled, terrified at the amount of blood gone. He reached down for a pulse but he couldn't fine one. He stood but what he saw from Dean scared him more.

"Night night..." He said in a sadistic voice, standing over Cas. His eyes turned black and the gashes in his stomach showed that he was already dead when he was possessed. Before he could scream for help, Dean plunged a dagger through his chest and turned, and then looked at Cas' face. He got so close he could feel Deans breath. And he smiled.

Cas sat up screaming. Kevin woke with a startled shout and Crowley sat up so quickly he almost fell off the chair he was in. It was around four-thirty now, and Kevin had managed to drift off after Cas laying beside him. Crowley had drifted off in the chair beside the bed.

"Cas! Cas breathe!" Kevin yelled, watching him hyperventilating.

"Call Dean!" Kevin yelled, handing the phone to Crowley, who dialed the number and put it on speaker.

"Sam? He had another nightmare, where are you two?" Crowley asked quickly. Dean turned off the radio and he heard the engine revving.

"We're about fifteen minutes out, be there soon." Dean said, speeding up.

"Poss- poss- posse-" Cas panted.

"Is he saying 'possessed'? Is that it Cas?" Sam asked. Cas nodded furiously, but he couldn't speak because of breathing too hard.

"Cas, we're ok, you're gonna be fine! We're ten minutes away, just hang on a little longer ok?" Dean pleaded.

"Guys, hurry up, he's getting worse! Cas, can you hear me?!" Kevin said frantically. Cas kept panting and grabbed his head, whimpering and starting to cry.

"You need to breathe slower, it's gonna make you pass out if you don't stop it!" Kevin warned him. He tried, but it seemed to control itself, and he couldn't stop.

"We're almost there! Deans hit 98 on the speed!" Sam informed them. After another two minutes Dean hung up the phone, making Cas start screaming, and the car had barely stopped before he jumped out and ran inside. He bolted up the stairs to the screaming and jumped onto the bed, pulling Cas into his lap and wrapping his arms around Cas. Sam stood in the doorway and watched shocked as Cas screamed harder and tried to get away.

"Cas it's me! It's Dean!" He yelled. He was too dizzy to tell who the voice was coming from, but he trusted it and leaned into it, getting as close as he could and gripping his clothes. He cried so hard that it was silent crying, but his screaming stopped and his breathing was starting to slow down, if only a little.

"It's ok, you'll be ok now, I'm here, no one is possessed, I'm ok." Dean hushed him. Gently he picked him up bridal style, and cast Kevin and even Crowley a thankful look before going back to his room. Sam followed hesitantly, but still came in.

"Cas, you alright?" Sam asked quietly. Cas reached feebly towards Sam like an infant would to a parent, and when Sam sat down he hugged him tightly.

"So I was in your dream too?" Sam asked sympathetically. Cas pulled away and snuggled back up to Dean, then nodded against his stomach. He was still shaking horribly, but at least he had managed to stop crying.

"Jeez, you're freezing! Dean, where are the blankets?" Sam asked quickly. Dean motioned for the closet and Sam pulled out two large wooly blankets. He helped Cas stand up and then he wrapped him up in one. Dean helped him into the bed and Sam laid the other blanket over him.

"I'm gonna go to bed, call me if you need me." Sam announced. He patted Cas' shoulder and then left, shutting the door behind him.

"De- De-" Cas stuttered.

"Yeah, I'm here, what is it?" Dean asked softly. Cas didn't answer, instead he pulled back the covers and waited until Dean was laying down. He threw the covers back up over him and looked up awkwardly, but was thankful when Dean smiled and pulled him into his chest.

"Night De..." Cas managed to say.

"Night Cas... You promise you'll wake me up if anything happens ok?" Dean asked him quietly.

"Yeah..." Cas mumbled, snuggling into Deans chest. Dean smiled but didn't say anything else as they both fell asleep in each others arms.


	8. Chapter 8

It had been three days since that incident. Everything had been normal except for how Dean always asked every morning if he slept ok.

"Liking the movie so far?" Dean asked grinning. Cas nodded but didn't speak. He suddenly felt strange. Really strange. He got up and headed towards the kitchen, but then he got dizzy. He sat down on the floor and pulled his knees up, feeling slightly better. He could feel his heart speeding up, and he put his hands over his head. He wasn't sure what was going on, but he knew he was panicking at something.

"Cas? Cas what's wrong?" Dean asked quietly, bending down beside him on the floor.

"I-I don't know!" He whimpered.

"How can I help?" Dean asked quietly, putting a hand on his shoulder comfortingly.

"I don't know..." He whimpered. Dean stood up and walked away, surprising Cas, who sat in silence. A few minutes later he came back.

"I made you a nest. Wanna come?" Dean asked quietly.

"Ok..." He almost whispered. Dean helped him stand up and then once he was in the living room he realized there was a huge pile of blankets and pillows on the floor. Dean pulled back the top layer and helped Cas into it until he was curled up inside. He laid the blankets back over Cas so only his face was visible.

"Does this help?" Dean asked gently.

"Yes..." Cas admitted.

"Are you ever coming out?" Dean asked, trying not to laugh.

"No..." He mumbled, which did make Dean chuckle a little.

"Alright, hang on." Dean smiled, walking to the kitchen. He came back with two milkshakes and a bowl of popcorn. He set them on the floor and pulled the blankets back, then he hit play on the movie and curled up with Cas. He pulled the blankets back over them and handed Cas a milkshake. Cas smiled gratefully and they watched the movie in silence, other than the slurping of the straws.

"Dean?" Cas said quietly.

"Yeah?" He answered quietly. He took the empty glasses and put them to the side, pulling the popcorn inside the blanket nest with them.

"Why does that keep happening?" He asked in a hushed tone.

"I don't know Cas... I wish I knew..." Dean admitted.

"I-I'm scared Dean- I don't like it- is there something wrong with me?" He asked in a scared voice. Dean looked at him sympathetically.

"There is nothing wrong with you Cas... Nothing. You're stressed out, you panic because of it... But why are you stressed?" Dean asked gently. They sat up but the blankets made a tent over the their heads.

"I-I'm not stressed... I only worry over a few things..." Cas said quietly.

'Like how you think I look and how much I want to hold your hand sometimes and how much I wonder if you like me and how I'm always scared you'll go on a hunt and not come back.' He thought.

"What are those things? You can tell me Cas." Dean said gently, awkwardly taking his hand.

"I-I'm scared that you-" he stopped as he tried not to break down.

"I keep having dreams... And you-" he stopped again, taking a breath and clearing his throat.

"You die... And I try to stop it and I can't... Last night I had a dream that Sam called in the middle of the night and said you were dead- and I woke up with the phone in my hand and thought I had passed out when he told me, it felt real- and then I fell asleep again and a werewolf had gotten you and Sam- you told me to check on him, so I walked over but he was dead- I stood up to check on you, and you were dead- but you had been possessed! Your stomach was shredded and your eyes were black and you stabbed me through the heart- and it always feels like it's gonna happen when I'm awake!" He finished, now crying. He had always wondered why humans were so fragile and now he realized why. It was emotion. It could heal and destroy at the same time.

"Aw- Cas I'm sorry- how about we take some time off of hunting. If there's a major case and people start dying, you can come with us so you know we're ok." Dean suggested. Cas nodded and squeezed his hand tighter, but Dean pulled away. Cas looked betrayed until Dean launched forward and hugged him around the neck. He thankfully leaned into him and wrapped his arms around Deans back, and Dean didn't try to pull back this time.

"I won't die Cas... If miss Sam and you too much if I did that..." Dean joked. After around five minutes Dean tried to pull back but Realized that Cas was a dead weight.

"Cas?" He whispered, but there was no answer. He pulled back only to see that Cas' eyes were shut and he was asleep. Dean chuckled and hugged him again, then lifted him up and pushed the blankets away. He grumbled something under his breath but stayed asleep. Dean lifted him up and then laid him on the couch, but he wouldn't let go of Deans neck.

"Uh... Am I interrupting?" Sam asked as he walked in.

"Shut up! He was upset, he hugged me, he fell asleep, and now I can't get him off me!" Dean snapped. Sam just laughed and walked past, stealing the remote and changing the channel to a different movie.

"Just move him over and let him hold onto you so I can sit down." Sam said happily. Dean grumbled but did what Sam said. Sadly his arms were around Deans neck so the only way to get him to move was to make him sit in Deans lap with his legs spread across Deans lap and his arms around Deans neck. His face was tucked under Deans chin and he was snuggling into his chest. Sam was struggling not to laugh while Dean looked away with red ears.

"You're like his giant teddy bear!" Sam joked.

"Shut up, bitch!" Dean added.

"Jerk!" Sam shot back.

"Assbutt..." Cas mumbled, making them both laugh. Cas rested there and for once he slept peacefully.


	9. Chapter 9

When he woke up Dean was gone. It was dark in the room except for the tv, but Dean always turned off the tv when he went to bed. He sat calmly, trying not to panic, but after a few minutes he got up and went looking. He found Dean in Kevin's room, rubbing his back and shushing him.

"Kevin?" Cas asked quietly. Kevins head shot up and he looked terrified until he recognized him.

"Hey, he's ok, I'll be back down in a minute if you wanna go back down." Dean said quietly.

"No- I wanna help." Cas said quickly, sitting down on the other side of Kevin. He was calmed down but still seemed jittery.

"You alright now?" Dean asked after a few minutes. He looked down to see Kevin was asleep.

"Goodnight Kevin..." Cas said quietly, helping Dean lay him down. Once they were back downstairs, Dean flopped down on the couch and Cas sat beside him, making their legs and arms touch even though there was plenty of room.

"S-Sorry..." Cas mumbled as Dean caught him staring. After a few minutes Dean started to drift off but his head kept dropping and he would sit bolt upright.

"Dean, you could always lean over here..." Cas offered, putting a pillow in his lap. Dean smiled sleepily and fell on Cas' lap immediately, turning away from the tv and putting his face against Cas' stomach. Cas was now wearing a grey t-shirt, black sweat pants, and a dark green long sleeved shirt under the grey one. Dean had given it to him and had insisted he wear it for pajamas. Cas watched Dean cuddle against him and silently pulled a blanket over Deans sleeping figure. Dean sat up to let Cas pull a blanket over himself, but then laid back down without another word. Cas hesitantly put a hand on Deans head and ran his fingers through his hair and over his scalp, making him smile in his sleep.

"You know... I'm always worried... I think you or Sam won't come back from a hunt. I think maybe both of you won't come back. Sometimes I just want to grab you and say 'no, you can't leave!' but I can't... Because you would tell me that you had to, and that everything would be ok... But I know at some point it won't be... And I can't heal you anymore... But the strange thing is... I don't want to... Because I would need my angelic powers for that... And I don't want those back... Because if I get them back... I'll also lose the best thing I've ever felt... Real emotion..." Cas said quietly.

"I'm going to do something... And I don't know how you'll react... But I need practice... And I need to know how to do this when you're awake..." Cas said quietly. Gently he leaned down and turned Dean so he was face up. At first he hug looked down at Deans face for a minute, but he heard a snapping noise. He didn't see anything though, and after making sure he wouldn't wake up, he leaned down as gently as he could and put his lips to Deans. He felt a spark go through him and then an actual spark of something clicking to his right. He looked over to see Sam holding a camera. He instantly panicked, jumping off the couch and running upstairs as fast as he could, flinging Dean off on his face in the process.

"What the hell?!" Dean grumbled. Sam quickly hid the camera and ran upstairs to Kevin's room, where he had locked himself in.

"Cas- I'm sorry- I won't show him- I swear- please come out!" Sam pleaded in a hushed tone. Dean ran up a second later, anger evident on his face.

"What the hell just happened?!" Dean fussed. Sam winced and motioned towards the door, not saying anything about it.

"Cas- you ok? What happened?" Dean asked quickly.

"Cas, what are you doing in here?" Kevin asked quietly.

"Make them go away..." Cas whispered, tearing up and running to the bathroom, locking the door after him. Kevin walked to the door, hearing them both there, and opening it easily.

"What just happened?" Kevin asked in a ruff voice. Dean charged in but didn't see Cas anywhere.

"Did he come in here?" Dean demanded angrily.

"Who?" Kevin lied easily.

"Cas! Is he in here?" Dean asked again, this time more forcefully.

"Nope, not that I know of." Kevin lied again. Dean huffed and went looking with Sam following.


	10. Chapter 10

"Cas? They're gone, are you ok?" Kevin whispered. Cas opened the door and it was obvious he had been crying. He numbly trudged over to the bed and sat down, pulling one of the blankets and three pillows off and walking back to the bathroom. Not saying a word he threw the pillows in, one on the bottom at the end, one above that long-ways out, and one more above that the same way as the second. Gently he laid down on them, finding it more comfortable then he thought, and draping the blanket over himself.

"Cas... What happened?" Kevin asked, leaning down beside the tub. Cas ignored him and stayed silent.

"You come wake me up if you need anything ok? But tomorrow morning I'm gonna have to tell them where you are. They're gonna be worried." Kevin told him. Cas nodded but turned away and shut his eyes.

"Night..." Kevin said sadly, patting his shoulder and turning off the main light, leaving on the smaller one.

"Sam- what the hell happened?! Where did he go?!" Dean demanded as they searched his room.

"Dude, I told you, I came downstairs to get a clean cup, I couldn't find mine, so I couldn't get water from the sink. I came downstairs and saw how you were asleep all over him, I took a picture, and he flipped out!" Sam said again. Dean thought there was more to it but dropped the subject it order to find Cas. They searched five more rooms, the library, the kitchen, even the dungeon, but after not finding him, Sam went back to bed and Dean went back downstairs. He vaguely remembered Cas talking to him but he could only remember choice words like 'heal' and 'leave' and 'worried' and 'emotion'. He sat up the rest of the night thinking and watching for Cas to come out, but he never did.

"Dean, have you been sitting there all night? You need to sleep." Sam scolded him.

"Not until I find Cas!" He snapped. Sam winced but he didn't argue.

"I'm gonna go out and get my camera developed, I'll bring back burgers and pie ok?" Sam said quickly, walking out the door.

"Dean? Cas is in the bathtub... He made me keep quiet until morning but he hasn't said a word." Kevin admitted. Dean sat up in shock but didn't bother yelling at Kevin. Instead he charged up the stairs and ran to his room.

"Cas? Cas what's wrong buddy? What made you upset?" He asked gently, putting a hand on his shoulder and trying to make him turn over.

"S-Sam... He took a picture-" Cas whispered, cut off by Dean.

"He already told me, he took a picture of me asleep on your lap... I'm not mad Cas, I laid that way. You don't need to be so embarrassed... Unless... You're embarrassed of me of course..." Dean said quietly. Kevin had stayed downstairs, so he heard none of what they were saying.

"I'm not embarrassed of you, I just- maybe I was just jumpy and I saw something different- I don't know." He trailed off.

"But... You ok now? Wanna go lay in the bed? Let me tell you, I sat up all night and the bathtub was probably not the best either.

"Not at all..." Cas admitted, smiling sheepishly. Dean grinned and helped him out, but his legs were so stiff that they gave way and Dean had to grab him before he hit the floor.

"Whoa- you ok?" Dean chuckled.

"I-I'm fine, my legs are just stiff." Cas said quietly. Dean gently helped him along, and for the next two hours they were completely crashed on Deans bed.


	11. Chapter 11

"Watch this." Sam whispered, holding the box of pie near Deans face. He gently opened the lid, and Dean snorted and jumped up.

"Pie!" He yelled, making Cas yelp and fall off the bed. When they were all downstairs, Cas wouldn't make eye contact with Sam.

"Kevin, can you make sure Crowley and Dean don't drown in pie while I talk to Cas?" Sam said carefully. Cas' eyes widened and he looked terrified, but he still followed Sam outside the bunker.

"Ok, I'm sorry I took the picture, but you don't need to be embarrassed. Here, this is for you." Sam said, handing him a bag. He took it curiously and looked inside. What he found was a thick black book with a zipper around the edges. He looked back in the bag and found what seemed to be an expensive sony handheld video camera. He looked at Sam with a confused expression, and then he opened the book. It had hundreds of empty slots for pictures and in the back a pocket with slots big enough for an sd card.

"T-Thank you Sam... But why did you get me this?" Cas asked quietly.

"Because, I thought you would have fun with it. Plus you can record a video of me and Dean so if you ever lonely you can play it." Sam explained. Cas smiled slightly, but then something caught his eye. He looked back in the bag and realized there was something else. He pulled it out and was shocked when he realized the picture Sam had taken last night was framed in a dark wooden frame.

"Here, see, if you wanna hide the other one..." Sam trailed off, opening the frame and revealing that there were two pictures. He pulled back the picture of the kiss, and put the other one in front, which was the hugging picture. He smiled and watched how Sam put it back, then he put it all back in the bag.

"T-Thank you Sam... I will use this." He promised. Sam smiled proudly and walked back in with him. Immediately Cas went upstairs and hid the picture under his bed. He was just putting the other things with it when Sam ran in with the laptop.

"Come downstairs, there's a problem." Sam announced. Cas finished with his other things and ran down, seeing Dean turning pale on the couch.

"What's going on?" Cas asked quickly, seeing everyone turn to watch him.

"Something bad... Looks like a witch has kidnapped a kid for testing. Literally conjured a demonic... Thing... Into the kid. Now the kid has demonic powers, but she's gone insane! She killed the witch. The only way to kill her now is to find out who the girl was before she died-" Sam was cut off.

"Wait- she's dead too?!" Dean said in shock, looking terrified.

"She's a... A skeleton with hair... She apparently likes dolls and is she's distracted by those she won't attack. The thing is she is her. Not a spirit, she's a skeleton. If we light her on fire with the usual salt and burn, that's it for the body, but we have to exorcise the demon in it at the same time or it won't work." Sam ended.

"Why are you shaking Dean? Cas asked carefully.

"It's at a cabin... Beside a small lake... In Alaska..." Sam said sympathetically.

"Can't we drive?!" Dean snapped.

"Dean, you can't drive, it would take days! We have 32 hours tops before it takes the next victim." Sam said sarcastically.

"I think I'm gonna be sick-" he said, running to the bathroom. Sam just shook his head, while Kevin started getting plane tickets and Crowley watched over his shoulder. Cas felt bad, so he walked over to Kevin.

"Could you add a ticket for me?" He asked quietly. Kevin nodded and kept typing, while Cas went to the bathroom and knocked on the door.

"Dean? Are you alright?" He asked, trying the doorknob and seeing it was open. Dean opened it before he could though.

"Hey Sam! We can't go there!" He yelled proudly.

"Why is that?" Sam asked, unimpressed by his attempts to get out of it.

"Weapons! We can't go through an airport with 'em!" Dean said proudly.

"There are weapons there Dean, the man that spotted the rituals go down was a hunter." Sam explained.

"Then why can't he take care of it?!" Dean asked loudly.

"Because Dean, I said 'was'. He's dead. Bobby was an old contact of his. His wife isn't a hunter, but she knew about it. She called for help." Sam explained. Dean got pale again and turned silently, walking outside. Cas followed him, but he wasn't sure what to say.

"I don't wanna go on a plane Cas..." He whispered. His face showed terror but he looked like he was trying to stay calm.

"It's alright Dean... I'll be there with you the whole time..." Cas promised.


	12. Chapter 12

"Dean? You gonna be ok?" Sam asked, looking over at him. He was on the outer seat so that he could get to the bathroom quicker, Cas was beside the window beside him, and Sam was on the other side of the isle across from them.

"No- no I am not ok- get me off this thing now- get me off Sam!" Dean begged. He had already gotten sick in the airport four times so he couldn't get sick anymore, but he still might break down and start screaming at any moment.

"Sir, we're about to take off, is there anything you need?" The woman asked, walking closer to him. He already had an air sickness bag, ginger ale, water, panic medication, a rope and duct tape in case he started screaming and needed to be strapped down, and his iPod. They had to get different clothes, so Sam and Dean were in their usual plaid, while Cas was wearing jeans and a light grey t-shirt with a dark blue over shirt. If he wasn't so panicked he'd take more time to admire it.

"Sir? Are you alright?" The woman asked after he went silent.

"Get me off this thing!" He pleaded, but Sam just shook his head and she apologized, saying to call her over if anything happened to him.

"Oh God it's moving! It's going faster! Help me! Get me off this thing!" He screamed at Sam, making a few people look at him funny.

"Dean-" Cas said, being cut off by Dean grabbing his arm and burying his face in Cas' shoulder. Gently Cas pried one of his hands off and intertwined their fingers. Dean kept panting and it sounded like he was crying, but he did squeeze his hand, so he knew he had acknowledged it.

"Dean... Dean were up, it's ok now." Cas said quietly. It had the opposite effect though because now Dean had locked up, literally just gone still and sat back in his seat with his eyes wide and his grip going limp.

"Sam- is he ok?" Cas asked quickly.

"He's going into shock- he's never done that before!" Sam said, unbuckling and crouching in the isle to check on him.

"Sir- you have to stay seated- is he alright?" She asked.

"Wait... Is he... Humming?" Cas asked quietly. He still wasn't moving or blinking but now it was obvious he was indeed humming.

"Good- he's just- Cas, can you get the medicine for him, he's having a panic attack." Sam explained.

"But he's not panicking..." Cas said in confusion. He thought you had to panic for it to be classified as a panic attack. None the less he got out the water and medicine and put the water in Deans hand.

"Dean, I know you're kinda on autopilot right now, but if you can hear me could you move your fingers?" Sam asked after a minute he finally moved one finger and let out a breath.

"You need to take this medicine ok?" Sam told him, putting the pill in his hand. Wordlessly he took the pill and handed the water to Cas with a shaky hand. Sam nodded and got back in his seat, satisfying the attendant. As she walked away Dean hesitantly put his hand on Cas' knee, which Cas took and held onto.

"You're going to be ok now. We're almost there." He whispered.

The next plane flight was much better, mainly because he was too out of it to really tell where they were. The woman who was being threatened by the creature picked them up, but Dean was asleep as soon as he touched the backseat. Cas smiled and held his hand as he slept, and eventually he too fell asleep leaned against Dean. Sam had brought the video camera just because he could, and when Cas was asleep he took a video in whispered tones saying what was happening. He was almost giddy when Dean put an arm around Cas' waist and Cas snuggled closer to him.


	13. Chapter 13

"Mmmmm... Move over..." Dean mumbled. Suddenly it hit him that they had been on a plane. He vaguely remembered the second plane, falling in the car, and... He couldn't remember. When the weight on him didn't move he suddenly feared they had been in a crash and that whoever it was was unconscious, but he was warm, so if they had been it a crash the car would have broken and let cold air in. He was about to say something else when he realized- snoring. He opened his eyes against the daylight despite his inner protest. He smiled when he realized who it was laying with his head on Deans hip and his arm around his stomach.

"Morning..." Deam mumbled, grinning down at him.

"Mmmmm... Morning..." Cas mumbled, snuggling closer to him and surprising Dean.

"Cas? You ok?" Dean asked chuckling to himself.

"Yeah, I- the medicine has worn off hasn't it..." Cas said sheepishly.

"Yeah... But hey, if it makes you feel better, you feel warm." Dean joked, pulling him closer.

"Wanna go inside?" Dean asked quietly. Cas nodded sheepishly and Dean sat up, opening the car door and letting Cas follow him. It took a few minutes to pick three locks on the door but when they stepped inside Sam was on the couch and the woman, Kelly, was presumably upstairs in her room. Dean walked in and found the cereal and milk, handing them to Cas and grabbing the laptop, starting on research.

* * *

"So we go in, trap it in the demon trap, pour the salt and gasoline all over it, light it up, and chant until the smoke comes out and the bones fall dead, correct?" Dean asked.

"Yeah, pretty much. I'll do the 'chanting' and you hold the weapons just in case it attacks, while Cas throws the salt and gasoline." Sam confirmed. Cas nodded nervously and grabbed the machete, running in behind them. It was a small cabin, a fireplace in front of them, a bathroom to the left of it, a bedroom to the right, a window on each side wall, a bookshelf on the left side of the door, and an armchair on the right. They tiptoed in, weapons ready, and heard what sounded like a screeching in the bedroom. Quickly Dean slammed the bedroom door shut, Cas stood on the chair and drew the mark on the ceiling, while Sam flipped to the right page in the book. Cas got down and pulled out the gasoline and salt from the bag, waiting for the signal.

"Now!" Dean yelled, pulling open the door and letting the bloody skeleton run towards Sam. It had black smoke encircling its chest and head.

"Dean, down!" Sam yelled, shooting at it. It didn't do much because it was a skeleton, but it seemed angry now. Moment of truth. It jumped towards Dean, but instead of stopping it, the black smoke got trapped and floated out of the skeleton. The bones came pouring onto him, but the skeleton was still half inside the circle, and the smoke flew into its leg, controlling it again and pulling Dean to it.

"Dean!" Cas yelled, grabbing his arms as it tried to rip into his stomach. Sam threw the gasoline at it, dumped the salt over it, and when Cas pulled Dean out he had his stomach cut. Not fatally, just deep enough to scare Cas at the blood coming out of him. Sam started the ritual and Cas fumbled with the matches until he finally threw it on the bones. He pulled Dean away from the flame and helped him up, dragging him to the car and throwing him in the back. Dean grunted but didn't argue when Cas slammed the car door. He ran back in, just in time to see the smoke go through the floor and the bones to drop in a heap. Sam poured the gasoline around and over the fireplace, making the liter pilot inside it burst into flames and light up the wood in front. Sam dragged Cas out, pulling him into the passenger seat and speeding away. Cas was already climbing over the seat before they had fully started moving.

"Dean! You're bleeding- Sam what do I do?!" He yelled.

"Cas, I'm ok, it just needs a few stitches and a good cleaning." Dean insisted. Cas just stared in horror.

"Did it go deep?! Did it hit organs?!" He yelled. Without warning he peeled off his shirt and jacket, putting his jacket away and trying to put his shirt over Deans stomach.

"Whoa dude! If you're that worried get the med. kit outta the seat, don't ruin your new clothes!" Dean teased.

"Alright- good- med. kit-" he said to himself, pulling his shirt back on. He was about to thread the stitches when Sam stopped him.

"Not here Cas, you can do that when we get back to Kellys house. If you do it in the car you could hurt him more!" Sam warned him. Cas nodded and put everything back, but he still watched Dean the for the next fifteen minutes.


	14. Chapter 14

"Kelly? It's done, we're back. Dean needs help though." Sam said quickly, grabbing a rag off the hanger in the bathroom and getting it wet. Cas got a cup of water and laid a towel on the couch, letting Dean lay down on it. He took the rag from Sam and when Sam called the first shower, Cas dabbed and rubbed over the cuts until they were clean.

"They don't need stitches, they need bandages. They aren't deep." Cas confirmed. Dean nodded and helped hold the pad in place, so the antibiotic cream wouldn't make it slide off while Cas wrapped the ace bandage around it.

"Cas, Dean can't have a shower like that. You can though, he can tomorrow or something." Sam told him. Cas nodded and smiled at Dean, before going to the shower.

* * *

"Dean? May I have a pillow from there? I need to sleep on the floor." Cas said quietly. Sam had called the pull out bed upstairs. Last night Kelly had been asleep when they came in, so they hadn't known about it.

"No, you may NOT have a pillow." Dean said sternly.

"O-Oh... Ok... I guess I can just..." He trailed off sadly.

"You may not have a pillow because I'm not letting you sleep on the floor." Dean said quickly. Cas looked up in confusion, but there was hope in his eyes as he looked at Dean.

"W-What do you mean by that?" Cas asked sheepishly. Dean huffed and pushed half the blanket he was using until it was hanging off the couch. He raised his arm and Cas awkwardly sat down beside him, but Dean got impatient and pulled him down until they were laying face-to-face. Cas held his breath but Dean broke eye contact, so Cas reached over and pulled the blanket over himself. The next thing he knew Deans arm was around him under the blanket and the arm he was laying on was stretched out above his head. Cas slept curled up, so he scrunched his head down until his face was in Deans neck and they weren't having a staring contest. Cas had rolled on top of the edge of the blanket so it wouldn't fall off, and once Dean seemed to be sleeping he moved closer.

"Goodnight Dean..." Cas whispered.

"Night Cas..." Dean mumbled, rubbing his face into Cas' still-apple-scented hair until he fell asleep.


	15. Chapter 15

"So, how long have those two sleepyheads been together?" Kelly asked as her and Sam ate breakfast.

"They aren't, but I know for certain Cas likes him. I'm pretty sure my brother likes him too, but he's too stubborn to admit it." Sam explained.

"Well I hope they get together... My and my husband were just like that..." She said quietly.

"I'm sorry that happened Kelly... It's always the good people who lose the most..." Sam said sympathetically.

"Thank you... I'm glad you got what killed him..." Kelly said sadly.

* * *

They were now on the plane home. Or one out of two. Dean was as always freaking out.

"Dean, are you alright?" Cas asked quietly. They were just taking off and he had a death grip on the seat.

"Dean, you're going to hurt your hand. You need to relax." Cas insisted, prying his hand off the seat and trying to hold it, but instead Deans grip tightened on Cas' hand.

"Dude, you're gonna hurt him!" Sam chuckled, trying to calm him down. They were on a bigger plane now, and the only seats had been three together in the middle section. Cas was disappointed he wouldn't see out the window, but he would on the next plane, so he wasn't too upset. He was sitting on the left, Dean in the middle, and Sam on the right.

"Sa- Sa- Sa-" Dean repeated.

"Yeah?" Sam asked calmly.

"Fi- Fi- Fi-" Dean stuttered.

"Dean, you ok?" Sam asked gently. He was hyperventilating as the plane sped up and when it was in the air he was no better.

"Fi- Fi-" he repeated between breaths. Cas tried to soothe him but he could tell it was getting worse.

"Dean, what are you seeing?" Cas asked quietly.

"Fi- Fi- rrrr..." He tried, breathing heavily again.

"Fire?" He asked sympathetically. Dean nodded furiously and whimpered as he pulled him head as close to Sam as he could then back at Cas as if he was dodging something only he could see, which he kind of was.

"It's not real Dean, you're hallucinating from lack of oxygen. You need to breathe." Cas insisted, rubbing his shoulder.

"Know s'not real- hot-" Dean forced out. Sam looked and sure enough he was starting to sweat.

"Dean, you're gonna pass out if you don't breathe!" Sam said quickly, motioning to the attendant.

"Is there a doctor on board?" Sam asked quickly.

"I'm a doctor, is something wrong?" A older man said from beside Sam.

"Yeah, he's having a panic attack, he's already had medication, is there anything we can do? He's starting to hallucinate from not breathing right and I don't know how to help him out." Sam admitted.

"Well... I think he should try to find whatever calms him down. A thought, an item, a photo, a person, anything can work to make someone calm. Is there anything he can do like that?" The man asked.

"I think so... Dean, Dean look at me, look at me, yeah... When you were in purgatory what made you keep going?" Sam whispered.

"You n' Cas!" Dean answered quickly, trying not to lose it completely. Cas grinned shyly but didn't say anything.

"Good, now look at me, I'm here and so is Cas, everything is gonna be fine... Just breathe... In and out... In and out..." Sam said gently.

"Sorry... M' sorry..." Dean said quietly, looking away from Sam.

"Sorry for what?" Sam asked.

"This! S' m'barrasin'!" Dean said sadly, looking at his lap.

"Embarrassing? Dean... This is your worst sane fear! You don't need to be sorry! If you found me like this yelling about clowns you... Actually you would tease me... But that's... Ok that was going to be my point but... I'm making this worse aren't I?" Sam chuckled. Dean nodded and grinned slightly, but he still looked tense.

"After we get back in the impala, we can forget this happened." Cas suggested. Sam nodded and put a hand on Deans shoulder, but when Cas tried to do the same, Dean gripped onto his hand. Cas looked down and smiled as he let his hand be held by Deans own.

"Forget... yeah..." Dean nodded, shooting a grateful look towards Sam. He sat back in his chair and after asking the people behind them, Cas lowered his own seat and Deans seat back, enough for Dean to rest, and Cas to help him out.

"Just breathe and move your fingers. You feel my hand? You know you're ok, there's no fire or crash or monster that can get you because you safe right now." Cas whispered, massaging his hand gently. Dean hummed and shut his eyes, and later he would tell himself it was the medication, but he snuggled into Cas and held his hand for the rest of the flight. The entire next flight he only panicked at takeoff and once they were up he slept the same way. Cas had no excuse for humming to Dean the song his mom used to hum to him.


	16. Chapter 16

"Ok, so I'm gonna go get a shower- people in that airport were giving me weird looks!" Dean announced. He had been listening to music in the passenger seat while Sam drove and Cas sat in the back.

"Dean- the bandages-" Cas said quickly. Dean looked behind him with a strange look but ignored him. He had to, right? He had practically snuggled with him the entire trip! He had to keep away. Cas didn't like him like that. Sure, he was affectionate, but more like a dog. He doesn't know how to act.

* * *

"Hey Sammwwhat the hell?!" Dean yelled, jumping back inside the bathroom. He had been calling Sam to ask where the towels were and his bedroom door was shut, but Cas was hanging up clothes. Thankfully he didn't see anything, but he did get flustered and leave the room. Dean quickly grabbed a towel off the pile of stuff and dried with that, then put on clothes and flopped onto his bed. He didn't bother with leaving any room, he spread on his stomach and spread apart his legs, wrapping his arms around his pillow and pushing his face into his pillow. He pulled the covers up and put his arms back where they had been, and when he heard the door open he faked sleep.

"I-I'll take the couch..." Cas muttered, leaving the room. Dean felt bad, sure. But he had to teach Cas how guys act towards other guys. They don't sleep in the same bed or share breathing space or brush their teeth together or stare at each other, none of that! He had to teach him how Dean Winchester does friendship.

* * *

"Cas? What's wrong? It's late, you should be in bed." Sam scolded. He quickly lost the teasing manner when he saw how depressed Cas looked.

"He doesn't want me in there..." Cas muttered. Sam sighed in sympathy and sat down on the couch with him, but he didn't knot what to say.

"Was he laying like a starfish?" Sam asked abruptly. Cas looked at him funny but nodded.

"Dude, he was just tired, he isn't trying to keep you out. He sleeps like that normally. Go back up and go in there. Just push him over a little." Sam told him. Cas nodded sleepily and rubbed his eyes like a kid, then walked back to Deans room.

"Dean... I need to lay down... Move over..." Cas yawned.

"Go to the spare room..." Dean grumbled. They had found a spare room a few days before they left, and Cas had put clothes and new blankets on the bed, then dusted.

"But... I just wanted..." Cas tried.

"I know you wanted to come in here, but you're not gay, and were not a couple, so you gotta learn to sleep alone!" Dean insisted.

"Well... How do you know I'm not gay?! Cas snapped, getting frustrated by him.

"Well are you?" Dean asked angrily.

"N-No..." Cas stuttered, turning red.

"Then go find another room!" Dean snapped, making it come out harsher then he had meant for it to be.

"Fine! I don't need to be in here anyway!" Cas yelled, walking towards the door.

"Good! I didn't need you anyway!" Dean yelled, making Cas freeze. He turned his head enough to see that Dean was fuming and he didn't say anything else until he was outside the door and it was shut behind him.

"Sam? Can I go to a motel tonight?" Cas asked as he walked downstairs.

"What? We have room here- why are you crying?" Sam asked gently, sitting down with him on the couch.

"I-I don't wanna talk about it..." Cas forced out, choking up and turning away as more tears fell.

"Come on, your coming to my room tonight ok?" Sam said, leading him upstairs. Cas just let himself be led along and barely registered when he laid down, when Sam laid down, or the next two days in between when these things repeated.


	17. Chapter 17

"Cas, you need to eat! You're gonna get sick again if you don't!" Sam insisted, but he didn't say a word. He hadn't gotten up until Sam made him, at which point he got dizzy and sick.

"You're not gonna eat are you..." Sam asked. Cas just looked up and gave him the same hurt look he'd had for days. Sam shook his head and walked downstairs, seeing Dean in the same state as him, except his problem was eating and drinking too much after getting upset.

"Dean, put that down! You were drunk all of yesterday, you don't need to go for today too!" Sam snapped, yanking the bottle away.

"How is he?" Dean asked for the hundredth time.

"Go see for yourself! Actually... Don't do that..." Sam said slowly.

"Why not?" Dean asked quietly.

"Well he is upset because of you! I heard you yelling! I can't believe you would say that to him! He came downstairs crying asking to go to a motel!" Sam snapped.

"That's not true Sam! I did nothing wrong! I was helping him!" Dean snapped angrily.

"No you weren't! You hurt him! He hasn't eaten in two days Dean. You know who does that? People with anorexia or depression!" Sam argued. Dean just rolled his eyes and was about to say something else when he heard Cas.

"Sam? I believe... I believe I need to eat again... I do not enjoy the sensation I experienced an hour ago and I believe you said eating would help." He said gruffly.

"Sure Cas, I can get it, is there anything you want?" Dean asked.

"Not from you." He said angrily, eyes blazing with fury.

"Ok, sorry, I was just trying to help!" Dean snapped, sitting back on the couch and trying to yell.

"You shut your mouth." Cas growled, making both of them turn in shock. Kevin and Crowley had left the bunker for the first time in a while, so luckily they wouldn't be awkward.

"Excuse me?!" Dean said in shock.

"You heard me you ass! You made it obvious you don't need me at all! If that's true then I don't need you either! I thought I did, oh I really thought I did, but I'm just fine! I'll be out of this place and I'll have a job as soon as possible, then you'll only have Sam to bitch too! How's that?!" Cas yelled, storming upstairs and slamming the door.

"Wow... He told you..." Sam chuckled.

"Shut up Sam... he's not serious... He'll probably be over it within an hour of now." Dean said uncertainly.

* * *

"Dean, leave, I don't wanna talk to you-" Cas tried.

"It's been a week Cas... I'm sorry ok... I was tired and don't even remember what I said at the time and it was obviously stupid, so I'm sorry. I don't want you to leave." Dean admitted.

"I'm glad you apologized. But that doesn't change my decision." Cas said firmly.

"Then what will, I don't want you to leave Cas, please don't leave from some asshole thing I said!" Dean begged. Cas just looked away sadly.

"Then tell me something truthful." Cas said confidently.

"Truthful?" Dean questioned.

"Yes, truthful in how you feel about and really think about me." Cas decided. Dean froze but only to look around the room.

"Ok... You sing really well... And your my best friend... And your hair permanently smells like apples... And I thought I was helping you by telling you not to sleep in the same bed as another guy... But I wasn't thinking about what you wanted... I was thinking about what I thought you wanted... And I'm sorry..." Dean finished. Cas just blinked and looked unfazed by the admittance.

"I don't 'want' anything... And besides, I know that's not what you want to say about me." Cas snapped.

"Oh, well in that case, what do I wanna say? How can you know what I think?!" Dean yelled, standing up to leave.

"Because I know you! I know things that involve you that you don't even know about!" Cas yelled, standing up and getting in his face.

"And what's that huh?! You gonna tell me and prove it?!" Dean yelled.

"I-I... I can't..." He admitted.

"Then why does it matter?!" Dean asked sarcastically.

"Because this matters!" Cas screamed, pulling out a picture frame from his bag and throwing it at him. It hit him in the head and he yelled in pain as Cas ran. He ran all the way out of the bunker and into the trees above it. He kept going until he was inside a cave of roots from a fallen tree. He pulled his hoodie tighter around him and shielded his wet face from the bitter cold wind but it didn't help the numbness starting on his fingers and toes. But he still didn't go back inside. He liked the cold. It hurt. That way he knew he was alive.


	18. Chapter 18

"What the hell just happened? I heard you guys yelling and I-" Sam stopped when he saw the cracked picture frame, the glass ready to fall apart at any moment, sitting in Deans hands as he sat on the bed. He was staring at it in silence and his forehead had developed a small purple gash, bleeding but not much.

"Dean... What happened..." Sam asked quietly, sitting down beside him with a hand on his shoulder. Dean didn't hesitate to tell him the whole story, even the things he said about Cas. He told him everything, including the night a few days ago. Sam sat quietly, listening and nodding when Dean would check and see if he was listening.

"What should I do... I need YOU to tell ME what to do for once... Cause I don't know anymore..." Dean admitted. Sam just shook his hands and silently took the picture frame.

"What is this?" Dean asked quietly.

"It's from the night he freaked out... I lied... We both did... I took two pictures of him on the couch with you... And you were asleep... And the camera scared him... But later I gave him a video camera and scrapbook, and... This..." Sam explained.

"You said... Two pictures..." Dean said questioningly. Sam sighed and figured Cas did throw it at him, he would expect Dean to find it. So he opened it and slid two untouched pictures into Deans hands.

"What's this?" Dean asked skeptically. Sam just looked at the photo again. Dean looked skeptically at him but then looked closer at the photo. One was just him asleep on Cas, but the next one was...

"What... When did... What..." Dean repeated. He kept looking at the smiling face Cas' lips on his, and despite being asleep, he felt like this was a piece of his memories carved out just for him.

"So he... What, he was just... Experimenting right?" Dean asked quietly. Sam bitch-faced and took the photos back, putting them in the frame. He would fix it later.

"I saw it Dean... I didn't tell him I... I took a video too... Of what he said before he kissed you... And then I got the picture separately... Here." Sam said, handing him the camera. Dean watched in silent shock and for ten minutes just sat there speechless until he remember Cas had run out.

"Sam, get some blankets and a warm bath going, he's still outside." Dean said frantically, pulling on his jacket and boots and opening the door to find that it was raining. Kevin had taken Crowley to Charlie's place to teach him how to be a proper human, so they couldn't help, and Sam was busy with what Dean told him to do. He would have to find Cas on his own. He ran outside and braced against the cold, shivering at the bite the rain left as it his his face.

"Castiel!" He yelled, running up the hill. He only saw a flash of color before he knew he was going the right way. He saw him running and he didn't look good. He was barley jogging and his lips were almost blue.

"Cas! Wait!" Dean yelled running towards him. Before Cas could get away he wrapped his arms around him, but Cas squirmed and fought. Before Cas could yell at him to let go, he found cold lips on his, bracing as hard as they could. Deans grip on his shoulders was painful, and it was obvious he was trying to make sure he would never get away. When he finally pulled back it was only a few inches and Deans hand was on his cheek. He barely smiled before he was shivering, realizing how cold and wet he was from the downpour.

"We'll talk later, I promise, but right now, can you walk?" Dean asked. Cas nodded but after a few steps he fell. Dean lifted him and carried him back down the hill, coming to the bunker door and kicking it frantically. Sam opened it quickly and Dean walked in, kicking off his shoes and going as carefully as he could up the stairs to the bath. He sat Cas on the floor and started stripping him, getting his wet clothes off until he was only in a pair of boxers, thankfully the cotton was thick enough not to see through.

"Y-You're gonna be f-fine Cas." Dean shivered, laying him in the water. Cas didn't move more than shivering and wincing at the hot water. Dean poured cold around him so he wouldn't burn, but he wasn't sure what else to do. Quickly he pulled the curtain back so that Cas couldn't see him and he started stripping off his wet clothes, running into his room and pulling on a plaid shirt and jeans. He ran back to find Cas trying desperately to get up, but his legs were asleep. Hopefully.

"Cas, I need you to move your toes, can you do that?" Dean asked. Cas nodded and after a few tries he got them to move. Dean sighed in relief and pulled his leg up out of the water, rubbing it gently and making sure he didn't get too close to the inside of his leg. That could get awkward. After goosebumps started to show up, he put the leg back in the water and asked him to move his toes again, and thankfully he was able to move them with more force. He did the same for the other leg and after confirming his other leg was working he put it back in the water too. He stood up and grabbed a cup from the sink, filling it with water and pouring it over Cas' arm, then over his back. After a minute he decided he might as well wash his hair because he never seemed to get it clean for more than a day or two. He gentle pushed Cas' shoulders until he was in the water, the only thing keeping his head up being Deans hand under it. Dean didn't mind it though, he just scrubbed in the shampoo with his free hand and sat him up at times so he could get it on the bottom too. After a while he had gotten the shampoo out, but Cas felt like a dead weight. He couldn't seem to keep himself up. Dean just smiled and grabbed a towel, putting it on the floor and pulling Cas' head up enough that it wouldn't fall in. He quickly ran and got some of his clothes, a green shirt, a white shirt, and two pairs of sweatpants. He ran back and Cas was still asleep, but there was no way he was gonna dress him. He ran back and got clean, and dry, boxers for him, then he came back to find Cas rubbing his eyes. He grinned and handed him the towel, white shirt, sweat pants, and boxers, nodding to him as he went into his room. After he was comfortable, he looked over and saw Cas come out of the bathroom shyly.

"Hey Cas..." Dean said quietly. Cas nodded but shivered, apparently still cold from the air after getting out.

"Come on Cas, lay down." Dean smiled, grinning even bigger when Cas laid down beside him. He had a ton of pillows and had blankets stacked. He pulled some up around Cas, then one more over his head, laughing when Cas didn't move and just sat there, not sure what to say.

"Hi." Dean smiled, lifting the edge of it. Cas blushed but it took a minute before he knew what he would do.

"Hi." Cas said quietly, but before Dean could say anything else Cas charged forward, both hands on Deans face, kissing him and getting as close as possible. Dean was only in shock for a minute before he shut his eyes and pushed against him a little. Cas pulled back, thinking he had done something wrong, but that wasn't the case.

"My turn." Dean grinned, pulling him closer and making him lay down, before laying his chest against Cas' chest and putting one hand on his cheek, the other bracing over Cas' shoulder so he wouldn't crush him as he leaned down and kissed him gently. Cas shut his eyes, wrapping a hand around Deans back and another around his neck, yanking him closer. Dean fell on top of him, but Cas hummed in happiness, trying to get entrance to his mouth. Soon they were making out completely, shirts off and close to loosing more, when Sam walked in unannounced.

"You guys ok nooo... Stop everything!" He yelled, nearly falling over. Dean broke out into laughter and Cas smiled, actually smiled, as he watched Sam struggle back up.

"Dude, leave!" Dean laughed, shutting the door and jumping back on the bed with a smile.

"Dean-" Cas growled, making Dean jump back.

"Whoa dude, what were you gonna do- I'm not- I mean I haven't- ever-" Dean stuttered, sitting up and watching Cas closely.

"I thought it was normal for people to... you know... We can wait... I just don't want you to think I'm not trying... I don't know what relationships are like..." Cas admitted, smiling at him shyly.

"I know... And I'll show you ok?" Dean asked, happy when Cas nodded and blushed.

"Wanna go terrorize Sam?" Dean smirked. Cas nodded and they pulled their clothes back on, running downstairs.


	19. Chapter 19

Dean got downstairs first, and without hesitation Cas jumped into Deans arms, grabbing on and making them spin.

"Sam, come on out here for a minute!" Dean yelled. Sam sheepishly came into the room, expecting something life-scarring, but when he only saw Dean and Cas standing there he came out completely.

"So we were thinking... If you ever wanted to join in..." Dean stopped, breaking into laughter.

"I would love to." Sam smirked. Dean froze, looking up in shock. His face was pale and he looked sick.

"I'm kidding!" Sam laughed, trying to stay calm. Dean soon broke out of his shock and joined in. When they were finally calmed down and were sitting on the couch with Sam, ready to watch a movie, Cas looked over at Dean with a serious expression.

"Thank you Dean..." Cas whispered. Dean smiled and kissed him softly, making them both smile wider. Sam grinned and grabbed the camera, filming, and pointing it towards them, getting it on film as they kissed again slowly. He just kept filming as they talked, acting like he wasn't there.

"And to think... This all started with a simple red balloon..." Dean whispered.

"I love you..." Cas said quickly, keeping eye contact.

"W-What?" Dean whispered.

"I love you Dean... I know this just started but... You never know when your seeing something for the last time and... I love you... And I wanted you to know that... Because if I never said it you wouldn't know... And I've loved you for a while... I never knew what it was... But now I do..." Cas admitted, putting a hand on his cheek and kissing him softly. Sam just sat there speechless.

"I haven't said this in years... So I don't know how sincere it's gonna sound... But I swear to you, it is. I... I love you too... I have loved you for a while... I always knew there was something... But I was always denying it and questioning it... And now I'm not... Now I know what it is... And I love you so much... I love you more than anything..." Dean promised, kissing him firmly. Sam smiled and kept filming, not sure what else he could do. After they broke apart they acted like nothing happened, turning on the movie and holding hands. When Charlie, Kevin, and Crowley walked in, they all gathering around to watch the movie with them, all looking at Dean in shock when they willingly kissed. Cas just blushed but didn't say anything about it. They could all guess what was going on.


	20. Chapter 20

One year later:

"Cas, what's wrong?" Dean asked quickly. They had a hunt and they had finished it, cleaned up, and gone to get burgers. Cas came back from the bathroom looking like he may cry.

"They hurt me- they hurt me Dean-" Cas whimpered. Sam squinted in confusion and took out his phone, calling Kevin and telling him to send the police for harassment.

"What did they do Cas- what's wrong- who did it?" Dean asked carefully. Cas looked up and him and looked like he was a lost puppy.

"They called me bad things Dean... And they said they would find me- they said 'since I like dick' they would take me somewhere they could give it to me... They grabbed me but I ran over here!" Cas cried. Outside they heard sirens and within seconds three cops burst in. Sam ran up and dragged Cas over, and when Cas pointed to the bathroom they ran in, guns pulled, finding no one there.

"That's them!" Cas whispered frantically, nodding to the door where three guys, just teens, were sneaking out.

"Don't- we'll get payback." Dean whispered. Cas nodded but he wasn't sure how. Quickly Dean pulled them outside and took a picture of them, then sent it to Kevin, who gave him their names. He texted Sam, saying in exactly one minute to send out the police. Then he casually walked up to the teens.

"What do you want- fag?" The black haired one said. The two blondes, probably brothers, stood up taller beside him.

"Well, you see this gun in my pocket, Max? I'm sure Derek and Erin would love to babysit it while we fist-fight. Or, even better, the machete in my car. I've got a whole arsenal in there. Guns, knives, grenades, ammo, cuffs, and not the sexy kind. So if you wanna tell me what this fine man beside me really is, say it to my damn face. You got that?" Dean growled, making the two blondes back up in fear.

"They didn't do anything, they were just there with him... Max did the threatening." Cas said quickly. Dean stepped towards them but walked right past Max, getting up in the others' faces.

"Get outta here, I'll tell the cops you guys apologized about your friend and didn't say anything to my friend. Go- now!" Dean snapped, making them run down the street. When he turned around Max had Cas in a neck hold, hand over his mouth, knife in hand, dangerously close to Cas' eyes. Cas was smart, he knew if he moved he would get hurt.

"You leave- just walk away- those girl liked it- he will too!" Max sneered, giving Cas another squeeze.

"Freeze! Police!" The men yelled as they came up behind Dean. Dean pulled out his phone and tapped the screen, playing back what Max had just said. He had recorded it so that if the guy screwed up he would have proof incase he got away.

"Is there a rapist on the loose around here? Me and my friend are just passing through." Dean said to one of the police men.

"My God..." The man said, pulling his radio out and calling for backup.

"That won't be necessary sir, I can take him down." Dean sneered.

"If I were to take him down right here and give him to you, would you let me go or take me into custody?" Dean asked curiously.

"As a police officer I can't let a pedestrian get injured." He said.

"But if I do get injured I'll just leave. No lawsuit, nothing. It was my choice after all. Just don't convict me for knocking him out." Dean smirked.

"Like you could take me out!" Mac yelled, grinning as he put the blade against Cas' cheek and drew blood. Sam charged in from behind, while Dean charged forward and grabbed his arms. Dean pulled sharply and twisted in one swift movement, making the knife fall, and as soon as Cas was free Sam kicked the back of his knees and they both let go, making him fall on his back. His head hit the pavement and his head made a cracking sound, while he got the air knocked out of him from how he landed. Dean stepped back, walking to Cas and crouching down beside him, wiping the blood of his bruising cheek and helping him up.

"We took fighting lessons when we were kids." Sam said calmly. The officers grabbed the teen and walked him to the squad car, but before they were gone he yelled about the 'arsenal' in their car.

"Sir, I'll have to see the trunk because of what he said." The officer said.

"Oh come on, I was lying!" He laughed. The officer looked angrily at him until he walked to the car and opened the trunk, revealing the fake bottom of the trunk with nothing in it.

"Thank you sir, you can go, take care of that friend of yours now, you got it?" The officer said, walking back to the others. Dean pulled Cas into the back and they rose back to the motel. Sam got their stuff and they rode all the way back to the bunker.

* * *

"You ok Cas?" Dean asked carefully. He got up from the bed and grabbed a tissue, secretly putting the camera on the table, recording, pointed at them on the bed. He dabbed at Cas' cheek one more time before throwing it away and sitting in the bed beside Cas, holding his hand.

"Yes... Thank you Dean... But I don't think this is a good idea anymore..." Cas said quietly.

"W-What?" Dean asked in shock.

"I don't want you to get threatened because of me..." Cas admitted.

"Are you embarrassed of me Cas?" Dean asked seriously.

"What? Of course not!" Cas said quickly. Dean smiled slightly before continuing with his speech.

"Well then I don't want it to end Cas. I'm never gonna break it off... You're not just some chick at a bar that I'm gonna leave the next morning... Your Castiel. My angel. And I don't care what other people think of you because they're not me. It only matters what I think of you. And if you love me then I don't care what people think of me, because I'm yours. Only yours. So there are only two things left to say here. Do you love me?" Dean asked, grinning like mad. Cas just looked at him curiously, trying to figure out why he was choking up.

"Of course I love you Dean... I always will... But you said there were two questions..." Cas said quietly.

"Yeah... about that... Will you marry me?" Dean choked out, sliding off the bed and getting on one knee, pulling out a gold ring from his pocket carefully. Cas froze, staring at him.

"I-I don't- I mean- I'm not sure- what does that mean?" Cas stuttered, making the smile fall off Deans face.

"You're not sure of what?" Dean asked quietly.

"What does it mean when you marry someone?" Cas asked.

"It means you can't ever have anyone else... But you don't want too... No more dates or one night stands, just them. And you love them forever. It means you'll never give up on them or leave them, and that even if your fighting or poor or sick, you still stand by them and love them. It means that I'm yours and your mine." Dean finished. Cas took a shaky breath and finally looked at Dean.

"Don't we already have that?" Cas asked quietly, making Dean choke out a laugh, tears coming from his eyes as he smiled.

"Is that a yes?" Dean asked smiling.

"Yes- yes Dean- yes!" Cas said happily, leaning down and hugging him tightly. Dean just cried and gripped him tightly, smiling as he tried to get a grip of himself.

"Sam! Get up here!" Dean yelled. Sam came charging in, thinking there was something wrong, and was confused by their smiling faces.

"What's going on..." Sam asked.

"You're sooooo gonna be my best man!" Dean laughed, making Sam smile brightly.

"So you finally did it huh... I was wondering when it would happen, you've had that ring for two months!" Sam laughed. Five months later they were happily married, but they both refused giving up hunting. They agreed when they hit 60 they would stop, but until then they would keep going. They had gone to the same place Cas left his clothes and tracked them down, washed them, and Cas wore that. Dean wore the outfit he was wearing when he met Cas. Sam was crying when they said their vows. They had also written a sort of story. He put it in the scrapbook along with all the photos of the wedding. They both said meaningful things that still applied to the hunting life. It went like this:

Both:

There is a story

Dean:

Of a faithful soldier

Cas:

Of an obedient son

Dean:

Of a broken shell of a man

Cas:

Of a burnt shell of an angel

Both:

There is a story

Dean:

Of a monster

Cas:

And a hunter

Dean:

Of an angel

Cas:

And a demon

Dean:

Of a man raised from perdition

Cas:

And the one who gripped him tight

Dean:

Of an agent

Cas:

And his partner in crime

Dean:

Of a frayed backwards tie

Cas:

And a worn leather jacket

Dean:

Of burgers and pie

Cas:

Of free will and grace

Dean:

Of how they stumbled upon each other

Cas:

Of how trust was broken

Dean:

Of how ties were restrung

Cas:

Of how sacrifices were made

Both:

And that is the greatest story ever told.

When Sam had a chance to speak at the tiny wedding he sang a song about them throughout the time since Cas turned human. He sang to the tune of the song 'hey there delilah', while playing the guitar. It went like this:

Hey there Dean Winchester,

It's little brother Sammy,

I know Cas is back and your already,

Busy with the staring, yet again.

And still you say he's just a friend...

Dean don't pretend.

Hey there, Dean,

When you tend to Cas' wounds,

I feel just a bit uncomfortable,

That's why I left the room,

Left you alone...

Tried to provide a stepping stone...

But still you won't...

Oh, just kiss Cas already!

Oh, the tension's killing me.

Oh, just kiss him already!

Oh, just kiss him, will you please,

Don't be a sissy Dean...

Hey there Castiel,

I know this years been pretty rough,

Purgatory and Naomi's work,

I'm sure you've had enough,

But now you're free...

Maybe even free to be with Dean...

If you know what I mean...

Hey there Castiel,

I know that since you're from above,

You've probably never quite understood,

What it means to be in love,

So I'll explain...

It's joy and fear and sacrifice and pain...

But it's not in vain.

Oh, you're in love with Dean!

Oh, I hope you finally see...

Oh, you're in love with Dean!

Oh, you're the one he needs...

Every time you leave or disappear,

He's constantly consumed by fear,

You don't know how much he needs you to stay.

Dean I'm getting sick of this,

I know you hate chick-flick moments,

But hiding how you feel is not the way.

It's more than just a profound bond,

What you two share is pure and strong,

And you are all that's standing in the way!

You're both to blame...

Dean and Castiel,

I guess I'll be heading out,

You need the privacy to talk,

And move some furniture around,

Cas rea-lly...

Just show the pizza man to Dean...

You know he calls the impala Baby!

I guess that makes you a babysitter, Dean!

Ok, I'll leave!

Oh, it's finally happening!

Oh, can't wait to tell Charlie...

Oh, it's finally happening!

Oh, maybe for once they'll be,

Maybe they'll be happy...

When the song was over the few people there cheered and they ate Cake and burgers. When the wedding was over Dean and Cas went to the bunker while the others left. They went at it for hours and when they were finally too tired to keep going they were so sated they looked drunk. On their honeymoon they actually were drunk. Drunk off their ass's. In a bouncy castle. But that's a different story...


End file.
